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Post by Doo on Dec 29, 2018 16:45:17 GMT -5
1. You already know more volleyball terminology than I do (I didn't know several of the ones you listed haha), so any of those should be great. 2. The comments about him being incompetent. Sorry if I was vague. 3. Will do! I'm trying to update one of my own fanfics before the end of the year, but if I get a chance I will definitely try to add some ideas to the document. Oh sure, take your time. Honestly, don't know much either, just looked online and found them. Didn't know them either until a while. Since I gave you them, any ideas that could emerge from them. and I started writing and realized something. If Y is teaching him how to play, shouldn't he explain the terms so Dracula doesn't get confused or something? He should try to explain the terms I think, but maybe he could do so (unintentionally) in a slightly vague way as to set it up for Dracula to misunderstand.
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Post by stardustcrusader on Dec 31, 2018 1:46:39 GMT -5
I see, I wrote it.Do you have acess to the doc or should I copy/paste here?
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Post by Doo on Dec 31, 2018 11:01:17 GMT -5
I'll look sometime in the next few days and let you know my thoughts!
Happy new year btw!
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Post by stardustcrusader on Dec 31, 2018 15:47:37 GMT -5
Yep, same to you as well
Ok then, so is good to dicuss R and the Mummy scene then? As I mentioned before, he takes him to like Tanis's Mummy case, where they can see the art she's done. So does he like shares mummy culture or facts to try too hard to please him. With regards to mummy stuff, any scenario ideas maybe?
I had one potential. Like maybe something involving the sphinx riddle, like the Mummy tries to get R to solve it somehow but then again, that's greek and not egyptian though.
Or maybe he doesn't want R to touch the objects or the mummies facts are outdated? or something more extraodinary(like O and the formula, G and piano key)
Oh, how about one of those to annoy him first and then when they try to open or touch something, it breaks due to both of them or mainly the mummy, but he mainly blames R?
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Post by Doo on Jan 3, 2019 15:28:08 GMT -5
Riddles are Greek you mean? I think the Sphinx Riddle would be pretty Egyptian.
I think mummies and history are pretty intertwined, so I like the idea of the mummy's facts being outdated. Maybe he gets cultural details wrong because the culture has changed so much.
I also like the idea of the mummy blaming R for something that wasn't his fault/was just a misunderstanding. It goes well with the Dracula volleyball scene.
Additionally, I looked through the document just now. Everything looks good, though a couple things I wanted to point out: 1. I highlighted this piece, but I'll explain it here as well. “(Such a cowardly display from before. How could he take care of my Sibella?)” The count judged.
I'm guessing this is a thought the count is having? I think it's fine if you use the parentheses style to denote thoughts characters are having in their heads, but you should make it clear that it is a thought as not everyone knows what the parentheses mean. For example, I typically put thoughts in italic text, so if you're going to use your own style I'd recommend making it clearer that these are the count's thoughts. Like say "the count internally judged" or "the count thought" so we know this isn't something he's saying out loud to Y.
2. Going back to the Wolfman part for a second, I have a minor criticism with this quote. "The Wolfman didn’t seem too impressed with B’s explanation and instead, just kept a stern or silent expression."
This doesn't make a lot of sense. One can't have both a "stern or silent" expression at the same time, it's either one or the other. Did you mean "stern and silent"?
3. “Are you trying to mock me?” The vampire nearly yelled, and his fangs began to be bared.
The vibe I got with this line is that you're saying Y is somehow making fun of him, which doesn't quite fit. I think something like "make a mockery out of me" would be better here. Just my opinion though, I realize this a picky word choice.
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Post by stardustcrusader on Jan 4, 2019 15:12:18 GMT -5
Hi, will respond tomorrow. Been a hectic week.
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Post by stardustcrusader on Jan 6, 2019 16:17:13 GMT -5
Riddles are Greek you mean? I think the Sphinx Riddle would be pretty Egyptian. I think mummies and history are pretty intertwined, so I like the idea of the mummy's facts being outdated. Maybe he gets cultural details wrong because the culture has changed so much. I also like the idea of the mummy blaming R for something that wasn't his fault/was just a misunderstanding. It goes well with the Dracula volleyball scene. Additionally, I looked through the document just now. Everything looks good, though a couple things I wanted to point out: 1. I highlighted this piece, but I'll explain it here as well. “(Such a cowardly display from before. How could he take care of my Sibella?)” The count judged. I'm guessing this is a thought the count is having? I think it's fine if you use the parentheses style to denote thoughts characters are having in their heads, but you should make it clear that it is a thought as not everyone knows what the parentheses mean. For example, I typically put thoughts in italic text, so if you're going to use your own style I'd recommend making it clearer that these are the count's thoughts. Like say "the count internally judged" or "the count thought" so we know this isn't something he's saying out loud to Y. 2. Going back to the Wolfman part for a second, I have a minor criticism with this quote. "The Wolfman didn’t seem too impressed with B’s explanation and instead, just kept a stern or silent expression." This doesn't make a lot of sense. One can't have both a "stern or silent" expression at the same time, it's either one or the other. Did you mean "stern and silent"? 3. “Are you trying to mock me?” The vampire nearly yelled, and his fangs began to be bared. The vibe I got with this line is that you're saying Y is somehow making fun of him, which doesn't quite fit. I think something like "make a mockery out of me" would be better here. Just my opinion though, I realize this a picky word choice. 1. Thanks for the edits, sound much better. 2. Sphinx is egyptian but the idea of the riddle is geek. 3. For the facts things, I mean mummy culture hasn't changed unless the mummy sights an outdated fact on ancient egypt, though would it seem a little odd if he didn't know something on his own culture?. And yeah, the misunderstanding thing can work too
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Post by stardustcrusader on Jan 6, 2019 16:58:21 GMT -5
For now I have R correct him on when the pyramids were made. I was thinking of having him tell the mummy that ancient egyptians didn't invent mummification but felt that might be too big(cause identity crisis maybe)
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Post by Doo on Jan 6, 2019 21:20:15 GMT -5
2. To clarify, you're saying that the idea of riddles (generically) themselves are Greek? Or is there actually a thing called the Sphinx Riddle that's Greek? Sorry, just trying to make sure I understand. 3. I think the pyramids are the route to go, since you're right that mummy culture isn't exactly just going to change. The mummification thing is also too big I think.
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Post by stardustcrusader on Jan 8, 2019 15:38:49 GMT -5
2. To clarify, you're saying that the idea of riddles (generically) themselves are Greek? Or is there actually a thing called the Sphinx Riddle that's Greek? Sorry, just trying to make sure I understand. 3. I think the pyramids are the route to go, since you're right that mummy culture isn't exactly just going to change. The mummification thing is also too big I think. Oh, the idea of a sphinx telling riddles is greek. 2. Neat. And was wondering, what could they break together maybe?
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Post by Doo on Jan 8, 2019 17:54:35 GMT -5
2. To clarify, you're saying that the idea of riddles (generically) themselves are Greek? Or is there actually a thing called the Sphinx Riddle that's Greek? Sorry, just trying to make sure I understand. 3. I think the pyramids are the route to go, since you're right that mummy culture isn't exactly just going to change. The mummification thing is also too big I think. Oh, the idea of a sphinx telling riddles is greek. 2. Neat. And was wondering, what could they break together maybe? 1. Could we switch it around and have R try to insinuate the mummy could solve the Sphinx Riddle? Of course, the Mummy wouldn't know how as the riddle is Greek and not Egyptian, which would frustrate him that R didn't know more about his culture. 2. An ancient Egyptian vase?
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Post by stardustcrusader on Jan 9, 2019 23:31:28 GMT -5
Oh, the idea of a sphinx telling riddles is greek. 2. Neat. And was wondering, what could they break together maybe? 1. Could we switch it around and have R try to insinuate the mummy could solve the Sphinx Riddle? Of course, the Mummy wouldn't know how as the riddle is Greek and not Egyptian, which would frustrate him that R didn't know more about his culture. 2. An ancient Egyptian vase? 1. Oh, like he seems insensitive? You think that's better than correcting him? Not sure, seems like an honest mistake to me. I tried writing it but couldn't find legitimate reasons for him to get really mad. 2.Yeah, something Tanis has maybe. I figured like a face mask used on sarcophogus. Any idea how scenario could go?
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Post by Doo on Jan 10, 2019 10:45:51 GMT -5
1. Eh, actually on second thought you're probably right. It would be a bit over-the-top for the mummy to get mad about that. I think correcting him would be better. 2. Could R accidentally bump into the back of the face mask, and knock it onto the ground? The mummy would be frustrated because it would seem like R is careless.
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Post by stardustcrusader on Jan 10, 2019 21:41:26 GMT -5
1. Eh, actually on second thought you're probably right. It would be a bit over-the-top for the mummy to get mad about that. I think correcting him would be better. 2. Could R accidentally bump into the back of the face mask, and knock it onto the ground? The mummy would be frustrated because it would seem like R is careless. I was thinknig that both of them cause it to break somehow but he only blames R. I think it would fit better. Just need to figure it out?
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Post by Doo on Jan 10, 2019 22:09:35 GMT -5
Could they both accidentally brush up against the mask so it's left uncertain who caused it to break? The mummy could blame R because he was convinced that R did it.
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