Post by Doo on Aug 18, 2023 15:56:19 GMT -5
So this is just a silly little story I got inspiration to publish following the announcement that the Krypto crossover film was being released after all. A friend and I were discussing how our favorite superhero crossovers in the franchise were those two Batman episodes of The New Scooby-Doo Movies, due to Batman being so kind and polite, as opposed to his usual dark and gritty personality. I got a bit bored one weekend and decided to write a one-shot featuring a “lost” New Scooby-Doo Movies adventure where the gang teams up with this “gentlemanly” version of Batman. I decided to use a Night of the Living Doo-like parody approach to this fanfic, and write this in a zany, tongue-in-cheek way. The vibe I was going for with this story is a silly plot that doesn’t take itself too seriously, and at points the humor is intended to fall into the realm of “so bad/ridiculous it’s good.”
For those who don’t know, in addition to fanfiction I also run a Scooby-Doo related blog, and I’ve joked a bit on there about how sassy Fred is in the first season of The New Scooby-Doo Movies. I never noticed it as a kid, but Fred has some genuinely sassy one-liners in this season for some reason lol (an example of this being somebody asking where a door leads to in “Wednesday Is Missing,” and Fred replies “We’ll never know.” haha). If you’re not familiar with what I’m talking about, I highly recommend you go back and watch some season 1 episodes of The New Scooby-Doo Movies, as Fred is hilarious in some of them. That said, I wrote Fred with the sassier side of his personality in mind in this fic.
TL,DR: I’ve always wanted to write a joke fic, and this is my attempt at one. It’s basically just me goofing around and isn’t intended to be taken seriously. Hope you enjoy this story!
-
The Mystery Machine drove down a long country dirt road on a hot summer day. The temperature had reached nearly 90, which was a record high for the area. The gang was taking yet another road trip to see a basketball game in Tempe, where their friends, the Harlem Globetrotters were playing.
“Well, gang, just 500 more miles to get there.” Fred announced to the gang.
“500?” Shaggy sighed. “Like, man, Scoob and I are gonna need to stop for a snack pretty soon.”
“Reah! Ri’m starving!” Scooby protested.
“I’m going to need to stop for gas soon too.” Fred replied.
“Oh wow, Fred. We’re nearly out of gas!” Daphne exclaimed, leaning over to see the fuel gauge.
“You’re going to need to stop really soon.” Velma stressed. “By my calculations, we have about two miles left before we run out of gas.”
“You know, come to think of it, we always seem to have this problem.” Daphne noticed. “Why don’t you stop sooner?”
Fred wore a defiant look on his face as he responded. “I told you, I’m of the philosophy that we should use what we have. We need to run the tank almost dry, so that we use up all of the old gas before we get new gas.”
“Wouldn’t it make more sense to fill up when you’re at a quarter tank rather than waiting until the last possible second?” Velma suggested.
“Well, it would, but there’s one problem with that: sometimes I forget.” Fred rebuked. “Like now, for instance.”
At that moment, the Mystery Machine began to slow down from its current speed of 65 a few miles per hour at a time.
“Oh no!” Daphne exclaimed.
“I better go off to the side of the road, so we’re not blocking the highway.” Fred sighed, as he swerved over to the shoulder so he would be out of the way.
“Watch out Fred, there’s someone walking on the side of the road!” Daphne cried out. Upon closer look, the gang saw that an elderly gentleman wearing a top hat and carrying an umbrella was walking along the side.
“Drat!” the gentleman shouted, as he jumped out of the way of the Mystery Machine, and tumbled into the ditch.
The gang’s faces erupted in horror for a moment at Fred’s distracted driving causing this elderly man to have to leap for his life, but they were promptly distracted by the sound of a helicopter landing from above. Upon looking up, they realized it was a familiar vehicle: the Batcopter!
“Rit’s Ratman!” Scooby exclaimed, pointing up to the helicopter’s rapid descent.
“Congratulations kids! You just captured the dreaded Penguin for us!” Batman revealed as the helicopter landed.
“Like, we captured Penguin?” Shaggy asked. “We didn’t even know it was him!”
“Well, regardless of whether you knew or not, you stopped him from doing a dastardly deed: flipping all of the mailbox flags up, despite that there was no mail in them.” Batman remarked.
“Without you, the postmaster would have been extremely inconvenienced!” Robin chimed in.
“Like, I guess we’re heroes!” Shaggy exclaimed.
“We’re obliged to help.” Velma commented.
“Kids, we need to get Penguin into custody, but we want to offer you a generous reward for your heroism.” Batman informed. “Robin and I were planning on going on an all-expenses-paid cruise tomorrow to unwind a bit. Would you like to join us?”
“Would we?” Velma exclaimed with delight.
“That would be a dream!” Daphne chimed in.
“Absolutely!” Fred agreed.
“Like, count us in!” Shaggy stated.
“Reah!” Scooby added his opinion.
“Wonderful!” Batman exclaimed. “Do you think your van will be able to make it to Gotham City?”
“I don’t think the sudden stop did any damage. The Mystery Machine is as sure-footed as a mountain goat.” Fred replied.
“Excellent. Meet us at the Gotham City Pier tomorrow around 12:30pm.” Batman instructed. “We’ll see you kids there!”
“Like, that’ll still give us time to see the Globetrotters’ game tonight!” Shaggy exclaimed.
“Alright gang, I guess we don’t have any time to waste!” Fred declared, as he got back in the Mystery Machine. The rest of the gang was prompt to follow, as they had a Globetrotters game in Tempe to get to.
-
The trip to the Tempe stadium was relatively uneventful, until they arrived at the venue. To the gang’s dismay, the place was being haunted by a phantom. The gang had tried to enlist the Globetrotters’ help, but they needed to fit in some last minute practice due to it being an hour before the game. However, they were thankfully able to capture the ghost, and were just preparing to unmask him.
“Boy kids, I sure am glad you helped us stop the ghostly concession stand employee.” Bobby Joe of the Globetrotters appreciated.
“Aw, it was nothing!” Velma assured.
“We just took a tip from our last Globetrotters game, and used that ice machine to make the ghost trip over his own feet!” Fred laughed.
“I’d say it was one of the easiest traps we’ve ever made!” Daphne chimed in.
“Now, let’s see who this ghost is.” Meadowlark said, as he ripped off the ghost’s mask. The ghost donned an apron, blue jeans and a black t-shirt reading the venue’s name. With his mask on, the ghost had messy blond hair and looked like a 16-year-old boy.
“The manager of the Tempe Tornados!” Curly gasped as the mask was removed. The manager was a middle-aged man with brown hair. “Why would you do this?”
“To win.” the manager nonchalantly shrugged.
“It’s wild how many of our opponents go to the trouble dressing up before the game just to scare us away.” Gip remarked. “Anyway, we should get back to practicing.”
Gip proceeded to grab a ball off the ground, and pressed a button on the tip of his sneakers, causing his shoes to slowly lift him off the ground. Once he was at the same height as the basket, he effortlessly reached over a few inches and put the basketball through the hoop.
“Now that’s what I call elevator shoes!” Pablo exclaimed.
“Yeah, our opponents really need to learn how to play fair.” Geese shook his head in disdain. He then grabbed the ball off the ground, and pulled a large ladder out of seemingly nowhere. He then climbed to the top of the ladder and dropped the ball through the hoop from a few inches above.
“You might say Geese just climbed the ladder of success!” Meadowlark chuckled.
“Let me try one. All this cheating and unfairness is getting me all fired up!” Bobby Joe said, as he pressed a button on the back of his jersey, revealing a jetpack that immediately launched him up to the basket, which he put the ball through.
-
After an enjoyable time at the Globetrotters’ game, the gang had left early from the hotel to ensure they’d get to their destination on time. Sure enough, they arrived at the Gotham City Pier a few minutes before the cruise was scheduled to set sail.
“Oh boy! I can’t believe we’re going on a cruise with Batman!” Daphne exclaimed with excitement.
“I see the Batmobile!” Fred pointed out the Caped Crusader’s blue vehicle with his trademark bat painted on the side. There was a single parking spot open next to the car, which Fred immediately took.
As the gang walked towards the cruise, they all admired the beautiful pier, which consisted of a long wooden dock. The body of water surrounding the dock looked crystal clear, no weeds or grime in sight.
“Hello, kids!” Batman waved from the pier. Oddly, he was still wearing his full Batman suit, and Robin was wearing his as well. “How was the basketball game?”
“It was groovy!” Daphne exclaimed.
“Yeah, like, The Globetrotters won 42 to 2!” Shaggy informed.
“Wonderful!” Batman smiled. “You’re just in time, kids. The boat is just about to board.”
“It’s the big white-and-blue cruise ship on the right.” Robin pointed to the large ship up at the end of the pier.
“Great! Gang, let’s grab our suitcases.” Fred said, as the kids headed back to the Mystery Machine.
“Like, I hope nothing spooky happens on this cruise!” Shaggy shuddered. “Super spooky stuff always seems to happen whenever we go on vacation.”
“Shaggy, you’re acting like a filthy coward.” Fred sassed.
“Besides, Batman’s here. What trouble could there possibly be?” Velma asked rhetorically.
“Yeah…like I guess you’re right.” Shaggy said.
“Of course I’m right!” Fred braggadociously said. “I have a feeling this is going to be one of the best vacations we’ve ever had!”
As the gang headed off into the distance towards the Mystery Machine, and Batman and Robin boarded the cruise, a mysterious figure lurked in the shadows behind a large tree. Once both parties were far enough away, the figure popped out, unseen by anyone. He donned a green bodysuit with a large question mark on it.
“Hahahaha! That’s what they think! They didn’t expect the hilariously heinous heist of The Riddler! In no time flat, I’ll have this whole cruise catastrophically confused with my playful, pernicious pranks!” The Riddler threatened, as he slipped back into the shadows.
-
The gang had gathered all their belongings from the Mystery Machine, and were just boarding the cruise, unknowing of the mayhem the Riddler was planning to create for them.
“Welcome aboard!” a man donning a blue suit and and captain’s cap greeted. “I’m so glad you decided to come on this cruise! My name’s Captain Soule, and I’ll be your captain on this cruise. You are in rooms 104, 105 and 106. Just take a left and follow the sign. Once you’ve done so, be sure to come back here, and I’ll give you a rundown of all the activities.”
“Thank you kindly, sir.” Batman said with a solemn nod.
“C’mon, everyone.” Fred led, heading over to the left to a narrow walkway with a set of doors.
Meanwhile, behind a pole, The Riddler was lurking unbeknownst to our heroes.
“Hahaha! Methinks it’s time for some malicious mayhem.” The Riddler snickered. “I’ll switch this sign the other direction to lead them astray!”
The Riddler grabbed the sign affixed to the poll he was behind. The sign read “rooms” with an arrow to the left, but the Riddler flipped it around so the arrow was now pointing to the right.
“Like, it looks like our rooms are this way.” Shaggy said, taking a sharp turn to the right.
Velma glanced in both directions, and noticed that the path to the right was far shorter than the one to the left. The left path seemed to have more rooms, whereas the right only had two doors at the very end of the hall.
“Hmm…we must have gotten the out-of-the-way rooms.” Velma said curiously.
“Seems like it. These are the only two rooms down this hall!” Fred noticed.
“Batman and I didn’t book the cruise until just a couple days ago, so maybe these were the only rooms left.” Robin shrugged.
“Wait a minute, Robin. These aren’t our rooms!” Batman gasped, reading the signs on each door. “These are the doors leading to the men’s and women’s restrooms!”
“What a mild inconvenience!” Robin lamented. “Now we have to turn around and walk in the other direction!”
Upon realizing the sign had led them in the wrong direction, the gang reversed course and turned to the left to get to their rooms.
“Here’s room 101.” Daphne pointed out, walking a bit further down the hall.
“The room numbers keep going up, so 104, 105 and 106 must be nearby.” Velma mentioned, as they kept walking.
“Like, I think you’re right, Velma.” Shaggy nodded. “Scoob and I can take room 106.”
“Which rooms would the rest of you like?” Batman kindly inquired.
“We’ll take 105.” Fred answered.
“Excellent! Then Robin and I will take room 104.” Batman agreed.
“Let’s all take a few moments to unpack, and we’ll regroup out here to go talk to the captain.” Fred suggested, as Fred, Velma and Daphne headed into their room.
At that moment, a man’s voice could suddenly be heard calling from down the hall. “Ice cream! Get your ice cream here!”
“Rice ream?!?” Scooby licked his lips.
“Like, Scoob and I need to get our hands on some of that!” Shaggy exclaimed. “Do you guys, like, mind if we go get some?”
“I think we’ll be able to unpack this on our own.” Daphne replied.
“You guys go ahead. You can meet us back here when you’re done, and we’ll all go see the captain.” Fred instructed.
“Would you mind if I got some too, Batman?” Robin asked. “I’m getting a bit hungry myself.”
“Of course not, Robin.” Batman kindly smiled. “This is our vacation, so you may as well make the most of it! Just keep a lookout in case there really is a sign switcher causing mischief.”
“Will do.” Robin nodded. “Be back in a moment.”
Robin, Shaggy and Scooby all ventured out into the hallway in search of the man who had advertised the ice cream.
“Like, where is that guy?” Shaggy asked.
“What guy?” an unfamiliar voice questioned behind them. Shaggy, Scooby and Robin quickly realized it was the ice cream man they were searching for. The ice cream man donned a white apron and hat, along with blue jeans.
“That’s rhe ruy!” Scooby pointed out.
“Oh, hey! Like, we were looking to get some ice cream!” Shaggy informed.
The ice cream man’s face lit up in delight. “Well, you’re certainly in the right place! What flavors would you like?”
“Oh boy! I can’t decide!” Shaggy exclaimed. “I guess I’ll take one scoop of vanilla and one scoop of chocolate.”
“Re roo!” Scooby agreed.
“Let me take a closer look at your flavors.” Robin asked curiously, as he examined the ice cream cart.
As he did so, the ice cream man leaned in to Robin. “Say, chum, riddle me this. What do you call a fish with no eyes?”
“Hmm…” Robin pondered the question for a few moments, but suddenly, his face fell into anguish. “Dear God, he’s out-riddled us all!”
At that moment, Batman burst onto the scene, sprinting over to Shaggy, Scooby and Robin at lightning speed.
“The answer is simple, Robin: a fsh.” Batman instantly solved. “However, that’s no ice cream man! That’s the Riddler!”
“Oh drat!” the ice cream man sneered, as he ripped off his apron and hat to reveal his trademark green bodysuit. “You’ve won this round, Batman, but beware! I will cause carefully calculated chaos over the course of this cruise. Until next time, chums!”
With that, The Riddler promptly jumped in his ice cream cart and Flintstoned it the heck out of there.
“I’m glad you all were still close enough to our room that I could overhear him give you that riddle. I suspected foul play after those signs were switched. That’s just the kind of annoying, slightly inconvenient humor style that The Riddler has.” Batman informed.
“Hey, what happened out here?” Fred asked.
“We heard the commotion.” Velma added.
“We just had a run-in with one of our foes, The Riddler!” Robin revealed. “It seems he’s trying to ruin our vacation.”
“From now on, we need to be extra careful.” Batman warned. “The Riddler could be lurking anywhere, waiting to cause unimaginably trivial mayhem.”
“For now, we should go back to the captain.” Daphne replied. “I’m sure he’s waiting for us.”
“Daphne’s right. The Riddler will turn up sooner or later, so no reason to go looking for him.” Fred pointed out.
“Finally, like, a plan we can agree with for once.” Shaggy breathed a sigh of relief.
“Reah!” Scooby nodded and wagged his tail in agreement.
“Oh hey, there’s the captain now!” Daphne exclaimed, pointing just a few yards down the hall.
“Hey, Captain!” Velma called. “We were just looking for you.”
“Oh, hello there! I was just looking for you all as well, since it was taking you a while.” the captain said. “You all are free to do whatever you want, but we do have a few activities planned for any passengers who are interested. Tonight, we’ve got a dance, and we’ll be doing a scavenger hunt here in the Carneli Caves tomorrow. Rumor has it, a seventeenth-century pirate named Captain Marquette hid all his booty there. Of course, it’s just a legend, and the treasure’s not actually real.”
“That sounds like a groovy way to spend the day!” Daphne exclaimed, turning to her friends. “What do you think?”
“Sounds like a blast!” Velma agreed.
“I’d be on board.” Fred nodded.
“Like, I’d love to!” Shaggy agreed.
“Re roo!” Scooby chimed in.
“Sounds like an amusing way to pass the evening, but I think Robin and I will sit the dance out.” Batman replied politely. “We’ll be in the ballroom on high alert in case The Riddler attempts to cause more mischief.”
“The Riddler? Here?” the captain gasped.
“Unfortunately so.” Robin shared. “We saw him dressed as an ice cream man about five minutes ago.”
“Never fear though, we’ll be keeping our eyes out for him, and we’ll intervene should he attempt to cause any trouble.” Batman assured the captain.
“Thank you, Batman and Robin. I’ll rest much easier tonight knowing that you two are on the case.” Captain Soule appreciated. “The dance will be in the ballroom immediately following dinner tonight. I look forward to seeing you all there!”
-
The gang had just finished up dinner, which was a delectable feast of spaghetti with meat sauce, garlic bread, and a side salad. Following the dinner, the group all headed over to the ballroom next door. The room was quite lively-looking, with vibrant walls painted red, and bright lights illuminating the dance floor. Each of the kids had partnered up - Fred with Daphne, and Shaggy with Scooby. Given Batman and Robin were standing on the sidelines, Velma was left with nobody to dance with.
“Seems like I’m always the wallflower.” Velma remarked.
“Like, I’ll switch with Scoob after this dance.” Shaggy promised. “I think he’s getting a little tired anyway.”
Scooby was panting heavily from his quick dancing to the uptempo beat. “Ri’ll say!”
“Boy, it’s nice to have a vacation. We sure needed one after all those ghosts and ghouls we’ve been chasing.” Daphne remarked.
“I just hope The Riddler doesn’t come in and interrupt our fun.” Fred wished.
Meanwhile, over in the DJ booth at the front of the ballroom, the DJ was picking out his next record. The brown-haired male DJ donned a white suit and black pants, and wore a pair of sunglasses. Unnoticed by anybody else, the DJ was tapped on the shoulder by The Riddler, dressed in an outfit that mirrored the current DJ’s look exactly.
“Excuse me, sir.” The Riddler said, tapping the real DJ on the shoulder. “Captain Soule said you can take a break. I’ll take over for the next few minutes.”
“Thanks, mate! You know, creating a playlist of funky fresh tunes every week is so much harder than people think! It’s about time I got a break mid-set.” the DJ breathed a sigh of relief, as he walked towards the door.
As the real DJ walked away, The Riddler surreptitiously took the booth holding a record. He waited until the current upbeat song was over, as not to raise any suspicion. As the final note of the previous song played, he quickly switched the records.
“Let’s see how these Dynamic Dufuses fare against my maliciously mesmerizing melodies, designed to hypnotize anybody who’s not dancing.” The Riddler snickered heartily. A generic disco song promptly began playing.
“Well, no sign of The Riddler yet, Robin.” Batman remarked.
“Thankfully not.” Robin agreed. “Wow, this song is so catchy, Batman! I’ve never heard anything like it before!”
“Yes, yes, it’s quite the rousing tune.” Batman smiled, lightly bobbing his head.
“This song just makes me want to get up and move! I don’t know if I can stop myself!” Robin said with a laugh.
To Batman’s surprise, Robin started dancing enthusiastically, and headed towards the dancefloor. He began swaying his arms rapidly from side to side, then proceeded to pump his hands in the air energetically.
“Like, hey, even Robin’s getting in on the fun!” Shaggy exclaimed.
“Wait a minute! I’m starting to think Robin’s dancing has gone beyond the realm of enjoyment.” Batman postulated. The Caped Crusader’s assumption was quickly confirmed when the gang all stopped dancing and looked over at Robin, who was now cavorting about wildly.
“Can’t. Stop. Doing. The. Hustle!” Robin panted in between his manic dance moves.
“And I’m starting to think that’s not the real DJ.” Fred realized.
“I think that’s The Riddler!” Daphne gasped.
“Ruh-roh!” Scooby exclaimed.
“Drat! I guess the jig is up…for now.” The Riddler said, grabbing his record and running away.
“After him!” Fred shouted.
The gang and Batman rushed out into the hall to catch The Riddler, but he was nowhere in sight. Robin, who’d broken out of his dance-trance, also hurried out into the hall.
“He’s disappeared!” Daphne gasped.
“Which direction did he go?” Velma inquired.
“I think we have a better chance at finding him if we split up.” Fred suggested. “Shaggy, Scooby, you go left with Batman and Robin. Daphne, Velma and I will head in the other direction.”
“Like, do we have to?” Shaggy rhetorically asked. His question was met with no response, as Fred, Velma and Daphne started running in the other direction.
“Ro ray, ri’m rot roving!” Scooby shook his head in obstinance.
“Would you do it for a Bat Snack?” Batman inquired.
“Roh roy! Reah! Reah!” Scooby eagerly exclaimed, wagging his tail back and forth vigorously.
“Like, me too!” Shaggy exclaimed.
“Alright, here you go.” Batman chuckled, as he tossed the two snacks in the air for Shaggy and Scooby. The hungry chowhounds quickly devoured the delicious snacks, licking their lips afterwards.
“Rhank you!” Scooby appreciated.
“Yeah, like, thanks! I just hope The Riddler isn’t going to try to hypnotize us all with his music.” Shaggy gulped. “Hey, like, how was only Robin hypnotized?”
“The music must have only affected people if they weren’t already dancing.” Robin responded.
“Like, I guess that makes sense…but wait a minute…how was Batman not hypnotized?” Shaggy inquired.
“Simple, Shaggy.” Batman responded. “This suit is equipped with bat hearing, so I hear things at a higher frequency than the average human would. The frequency of The Riddler’s tune must have been too low to affect me.”
Batman, Robin, Shaggy and Scooby continued walking down the hallway, but quickly realized they were at crossroads when they ran into another two-way split in their path.
“I propose we split up again.” Batman stated.
“Wait, Batman. One of us should stay with Shaggy and Scooby in case they run into The Riddler.” Robin suggested.
“Excellent idea, Robin.” Batman agreed.
“Like, I’m glad we have at least one of the Dynamic Duo here to protect us.” Shaggy breathed a sigh of relief.
“Re roo!” Scooby agreed.
“Alright, keep your eyes peeled for anything strange.” Robin warned.
All of a sudden, our three heroes noticed an old man with an ostentatiously large nose and mustache hobbling along. He donned a black tuxedo and had gray hair.
“Say, would you fellas indulge an old timer like me in a question I’ve been wondering about?” the old man said, his voice sounding very nasally and strained.
“Sure…like, I don’t see why not.” Shaggy shrugged.
“What’s black and white and read all over?” the old man asked.
“Hmm…” Robin pondered, before his face lit up in amazement. “Wow! I know they say our elders have a lot of wisdom, but this man is clearly wise beyond his years. I’m not sure if there is an answer to your extremely philosophical question, sir. Can you think of an answer, Shaggy and Scooby?”
“Ri ron’t row.” Scooby shook his head with a giggle.
“Like, I certainly can’t think of one.” Shaggy scratched his head.
“That’s no old man!” Batman shouted from behind them. “That’s The Riddler! He’s trying to trick you!”
“Oh bother!” The Riddler sneered, as he took off his mustache and nose putty. “You idiotically irritating imbeciles are incapable of incarcerating me!”
“Oh my goodness, Batman!” Robin’s jaw dropped. “He’s instantly recognizable without that extremely cheap disguise!”
Before any of them had a chance to grab him, The Riddler booked it in the other direction.
“After him!” Batman exclaimed.
“Like, here we go again.” Shaggy whimpered, as he quickly followed the Caped Crusader. Scooby and Robin immediately gave chase to the green-suited villain as well. They ran until they reached the edge of the deck, and promptly made a right turn to see where The Riddler had gone. To their shock, The Riddler had disappeared.
“He’s gone, Batman!” Robin gasped.
“Like, good. I hope he’s gone from this ship too!” Shaggy chuckled.
“I would very much doubt that, Shaggy.” Batman said. “The Riddler is a master of pranks. I’m sure he’s still lurking around here somewhere, just waiting for his chance to be as bothersome as possible.”
“Should we stay and look for him, Batman?” Robin asked.
“Perhaps a better course of action would be to find the others.” Batman responded.
“He almost seems like he’s scared of us for some reason.” Robin remarked. “He keeps running away whenever we discover his disguises!”
“Maybe these trivial pranks are actually a front for something bigger.” Batman pondered.
“Zoinks!” Shaggy exclaimed. “You mean, like, he’s gonna surprise us with a master plan?”
“I believe so, Shaggy. Now, we just have to figure out what that plan is, and capture him once and for all.” Batman responded.
-
Meanwhile, Fred, Daphne and Velma were walking along the other side of the deck. The sun was just beginning to set, creating an eerie glow across the sky and amping up the creep factor.
“Hey, what’s this?” Daphne asked, picking up a small scrap of paper on the floor.
“Let me see that, Daph.” Fred inquired, taking the paper from her hand. “It says 30°E 18°N, and 22°E 16°N.”
“Sounds like some sort of directions to me. I wonder if this was The Riddler’s.” Velma questioned.
“Re saw him!” a familiar dog’s voice whimpered.
“You found The Riddler?” Fred questioned.
“Briefly, but he got away.” Robin clarified.
“Like, we think he may have a bigger plan than just fooling around with us.” Shaggy shared Batman’s wisdom.
“We found this, Batman. I’m not sure if it’s a clue.” Daphne stated, taking the piece of paper back from Fred, and handing it to Batman.
“Hmm…it very well may be.” Batman nodded, pocketing the clue.
Fred let out a yawn. “I don’t know about you all, but I’m bushed.”
“I agree. I think it’s time to turn in for the night.” Velma suggested.
“Sounds good, kids.” Batman agreed. “We’ll reconvene in the morning. Hopefully, if we’re prepared for The Riddler’s shenanigans, we’ll be able to stop him before he does whatever he’s planning.”
-
Shaggy and Scooby were just getting ready for bed in their room. The room was quite modest, with just a bed, a nightstand, a small closet and a bathroom. The walls were painted a drab shade of white. A single small window was right near the door, which gave them a view out onto the deck.
Shaggy had just set out his toothbrush, but had stepped away for a moment to grab his pajamas to change into. When he returned, to his surprise, there was no toothbrush.
“Like, did you take my toothbrush, Scoob?” Shaggy asked accusingly.
“Ri ridn’t, Raggy!” Scooby defended.
“Well, like, if you didn’t…who did?” Shaggy inquired.
A high-pitched, menacing giggle could be heard resounding throughout the room.
“Zoinks!” Shaggy cried. “Like, do you think it’s safe to go to sleep, Scoob?”
“Ri rope ro.” Scooby whimpered.
“Well, we might as well try.” Shaggy said, feeling extremely on edge following the creepy sound. “Goodnight, Scoob.”
“Roodnight, Raggy.” Scooby reciprocated.
As the two cowardly companions laid down on dark blue sheets on their bed, they promptly heard another noise.
“Ooooooh!” a voice whistled through the vents.
“Zoinks! It must be some kind of ghost!” Shaggy leaped out of bed.
“Rhost? Rikes!” Scooby quickly followed suit, tumbling out of bed in terror himself.
“Ohhhhhhhh!” the voice groaned.
“Wait a minute, Scoob! I don’t think the voices are coming from this room.” Shaggy realized, as he climbed on top of the bed to test his theory. He leaned his ear up to an air vent above their bed.
“Ahhhhh!” the high-pitched noise wisped, sounding much louder to Shaggy now. He squinted to see through the vent, and his theory was quickly confirmed.
“Like, thankfully, I don’t think we have anything to worry about.” Shaggy breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s just the air conditioner making weird noises. Nothing to be afraid of…at least for now.”
“Rhank roodness.” Scooby breathed a sigh of relief.
“All that talk about The Riddler must be getting on our nerves.” Shaggy chuckled, as he climbed back into bed. “Wait a minute…even if the noises aren’t coming from this room…where’d my toothbrush go?”
“Ri ron’t row!” Scooby gasped.
Both cowardly companions jumped under the covers and began shivering. Meanwhile, outside, The Riddler let out a menacing laugh, as he held up Shaggy’s toothbrush and began brushing his teeth with it.
-
Robin stretched as he woke up. The room was rather drab-looking and the window didn’t provide all that much of a view, so Robin wasn’t particularly eager to rise and shine this morning.
“I’m glad The Riddler didn’t bother us last night.” Robin said, as he got out of bed and looked in the mirror. To his horror, he noticed something amiss on the top of his head. He donned a blue nightcap rather than his usual red one. “Dear god, Batman, our nightcaps have been switched!”
“Easy, Robin.” Batman said with a light chuckle. “You were so tired last night that you accidentally took my nightcap off of the bed.”
“Phew.” Robin breathed a sigh of relief, as he shut the door to change out of his pajamas and into his costume.
Once Robin was costumed, the Dynamic Duo headed out onto the dock, where the gang was already dressed and waiting.
“Good morning, kids!” Batman smiled. “How did you all sleep?”
“Well, it’s not as great as my bed at home, but it was pretty good, I guess.” Fred bluntly replied, sounding slightly bothered.
“Yeah, the beds are really comfortable here!” Daphne chimed in.
“Like, yeah, the beds are great here. If only the air conditioner didn’t sound like a ghost!” Shaggy gulped.
“Great to hear. Robin and I slept excellently as well.” Batman shared.
“It looks like we’re approaching those caves the captain was talking about for the scavenger hunt.” Robin pointed out. The gang and Batman looked in the direction that Robin was pointing, and saw that they were within a mile or so of the destination.
“I didn’t expect us to arrive so early.” Daphne remarked. “I assume we were having breakfast before the cave.”
“Maybe it’s, like, a picnic!” Shaggy joked.
“In the cave? I’ll pass!” Fred replied.
“No, no, kids.” the captain laughed as he rounded the corner and approached the group, apparently overhearing their conversation. “We’ll be arriving a bit earlier than anticipated, so we’ll be eating breakfast after our scavenger hunt. Gotta work up an appetite before you eat breakfast, right?”
“Yes, I suppose so.” Batman politely chuckled.
“If you kids are interested in the scavenger hunt, you can head over to the front of the ship where you got on. There are a few folks waiting over there now. I’ll be along shortly, after I park the ship.” the captain informed.
“Let’s head over, gang.” Fred suggested.
“Like, I wish he would have scheduled breakfast first. I’m kinda famished!” Shaggy lamented.
“Re roo!” Scooby protested.
“Don’t worry, guys!” Daphne assured. “I’m sure there’ll be plenty of food to eat when we finish the scavenger hunt.”
The group all made their way over to the front of the ship, and saw a decent amount of passengers waiting for the captain to lower the gangplank.
“Attention passengers!” the captain’s voice boomed over the intercom. “If you plan to go on our scavenger hunt, please exit the ship in an orderly fashion from the gangplank. Your first item is a piece of fake pirate’s gold. Once you’ve found it, find me and I will give you the next clue.”
“That’s odd.” Robin pointed out. “Usually scavenger hunts have the next clue right next to the item you find.”
“Maybe they’ve had an issue with people stealing the clue from others if they leave it by the item you’re supposed to find.” Velma shrugged. “It does seem like there’s a lot of people participating.”
“Alright everyone, the gangplank is lowering!” Fred remarked.
The seven heroes were the first to hurry down the gangplank and onto solid ground, but were quickly followed by some other eager passengers. The gangplank was placed to lead directly into the cave entrance, which looked quite spooky. The cave roof was covered in stalactites, and there was an eerie silence that pervaded the place. There were two possible paths that they could take, one large path to the left, and one small path to the right. While the left path was naturally paved with rocks, the right path was much more rugged, with only a narrow dirt path. The gang saw a large group of people head to the left.
“Everybody’s going left.” Velma pointed out. “What do you want to bet that this treasure is on the right?”
“Excellent deduction, Velma.” Batman complimented. “I think our best bet is to try to go right as well.”
The gang followed Batman and Robin’s suggestion, all heading towards the right path away from the rest of the group.
“Remember everybody, keep your eyes peeled. The Riddler could be lurking anywhere.” Batman warned.
“Like, I sure hope not!” Shaggy gulped.
The gang walked a tad further into the cave, and realized an unfortunate truth: there was another split in the path. One path went straight, while the other veered off to the left.
“Ruh-roh!” Scooby gulped.
“Like, ruh-roh is right, Scoob! Don’t tell me we’ve gotta split up again!” Shaggy whimpered.
“Well, personally, I think that would be the best course of action.” Fred defiantly disagreed. “Velma, Daphne and I will go this way.”
“I’ll go with Shaggy, Scooby and Robin this time.” Batman said. “We’ll take the left path.”
A loud moaning could suddenly be heard from the left path.
“Like, is it too late to change our minds?” Shaggy sighed.
As soon as Batman and the others walked a few steps down the left path, a large ghost wearing a sheet sprung out at them. The spirit floated in midair, swaying back and forth.
“Oooh! I am the Phantom of Your Deepest Regrets!” the high-pitched spirit’s voice hissed.
“Oh god! I knew that slightly belated Mother’s Day Card would come back to haunt me!” Robin cried out.
“Easy, Robin.” Batman said with a light chuckle. “This ghost is nothing but a cheap bedsheet on a wire. The eyes, nose and mouth are even drawn on with what appears to be a Sharpie.”
“Phew.” Shaggy breathed a sigh of relief.
“Wait! I see someone up ahead!” Robin exclaimed.
Batman and Robin rapidly increased their speed to a run to see who it was, causing Shaggy and Scooby to reluctantly do the same. They quickly ran across a large opening where the path significantly widened, and could hear the sounds of somebody digging with a shovel.
“Hey, it’s the captain!” Shaggy exclaimed. “Like, what are you doing over here, Captain Soule?”
“Oh…we’ve had people try to come into the cave and filch the gold in between cruises, so I had to check to make sure the item was still here.” Captain Soule laughed, sounding a bit caught off-guard.
“Let me check something.” Batman said, pulling the scrap of paper they’d found earlier out of his pocket, as well as a compass with a large bat on it. “The compass says we are at 22°E 16°N.”
“That was one of the coordinates written on that scrap of paper!” Robin exclaimed.
Scooby began sniffing the air. Inexplicably, he began growling.
“What’s the matter, Scoob?” Shaggy asked.
Scooby walked towards the captain, and smelled his shoes carefully. The great dane looked as if he almost had a sudden realization, and then yipped.
“Wait a minute…” Batman said, examining the captain’s face closer. His eyes lit up with shock when he noticed a concerning detail: his nose was misshapen. “He’s wearing a silly putty nose!”
“Why, don’t be silly!” the captain nervously denied. “Are you implying that my nose isn’t real?”
“Wait a minute…silly putty nose…it’s The Riddler! He’s in disguise again!” Robin gasped.
“Oh drat!” the captain’s voice immediately got much higher-pitched, and morphed into a voice they all recognized. Realizing the jig was up, the captain removed his mask, revealing that Batman and Robin’s accusations were correct. “Alright, you’ve figured out my true identity! This isn’t some silly scavenger hunt! It’s rumored that Captain Marquette’s gold is hidden in that cave, and I’m going to get my hands on it! You’ll never stop me!”
The Riddler immediately began running away with his shovel, racing from the open area into another narrow path up ahead.
“The other coordinate was 30°E 18°N. That’s not too far from here, so he’ll be close by.” Batman responded.
“Don’t we, like, want to run after him?” Shaggy asked.
“We’re quickly approaching the other location, and The Riddler will likely try to catch us by surprise to get us out of the way. If we run, we may be rushing right into a trap. We’ll want to be very careful.” Batman responded.
Batman, Robin, Shaggy and Scooby all followed the path that The Riddler took, as Batman rapidly checked his compass.
“We’re already at 26°E, 17°N, so I believe it’s just up ahead.” Batman said, as the group continued to slowly creep along the path. They quickly ran across another large open space, which was presumably where The Riddler was planning the next dig.
Shaggy, Scooby and the Dynamic Duo cautiously looked around as soon as they reached the opening. They didn’t see The Riddler; however, they did see some familiar faces: Fred, Daphne and Velma.
“Oh, good! The paths connected!” Daphne exclaimed.
“Any sign of anything?” Velma asked. “We didn’t find a thing.”
“Like, we did.” Shaggy gulped.
“We saw The Riddler, and we believe he’s coming here to dig for the treasure.” Robin informed.
“Why would he want the treasure?” Velma asked in a confused tone. “This is all for fun.”
“This is no game.” Batman replied. “Our captain has been The Riddler all along, and he only took us on this phony scavenger hunt to get his hands on treasure that’s rumored to be here.”
“Like, The Riddler could be anywhere! What do we do?” Shaggy panicked.
“Let’s all search the walls for secret passages. He couldn’t have gone far.” Batman suggested.
“Great idea, Batman.” Fred complimented, as he went over to the far side of the cave wall and began feeling it to see if there were any secret openings.
Everybody else did the same, each feeling along a wall for a secret lever or button that might reveal the hiding spot of The Riddler.
Shaggy felt along a wall and reached his hand in a small indentation of the rock. He quickly realized that the texture was extremely different than the cave wall, because he wasn’t touching a wall at all - he was touching a bat! The bat flew away in protest, causing Shaggy to yell his trademark catchphrase.
“Like, zoinks! That wasn’t the kind of secret I was hoping to find.” Shaggy lamented.
Robin felt along the wall as well, but was coming up empty. All of a sudden, he felt something feel him on the shoulder. He spun around to see it was an old lady whom he’d never seen before. At first, he was shocked, but when he saw the sweet old lady holding a camera, his anxiety lessened a bit.
“Oh! I didn’t see you there.” Robin chuckled with a hint of nervousness. “You must be looking for the treasure too.”
“Yes, but you see, I’ve gotten a bit lost, unfortunately.” the elderly woman sighed. “It’s quite silly really, because I’m a world traveler, so you’d think I’d have my directions all figured out.”
“Oh…well, I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.” Robin apologized. “That’s very cool that you’ve traveled the world, ma’am!”
“Yes, yes, it is. But in all of the places I’ve been, nobody’s ever been able to answer this one question I’ve been wondering for so long.” the woman shared. “Do you want to give it a try?”
“Aww, shucks.” Robin blushed, honored that this woman he didn’t even know would trust him enough to ask him for advice. “Why not?”
“What goes around the world but never leaves its corner?” the woman asked.
Robin immediately looked completely overwhelmed. This was such a rich philosophical question that one could spend their entire life trying to search for the answer. “Golly, ma’am…that’s one tough question. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that was the Riddle of the Sphinx!”
All of a sudden, Batman raced over, looking very urgent. “No, Robin! Don’t answer that riddle!”
“But…I…want to.” Robin replied, extreme emotional tension present in his voice.
“That’s The Riddler, Robin! He’s dressed up to fool us again, as that old woman!” Batman clarified. “The answer is a stamp.”
“Drat!” the old woman’s voice immediately changed to a high-pitched male’s voice, ripping off his costume once again to reveal the trademark Riddler getup. “Regardless, you can never stop me! This is the final location of the treasure, so it has to be here!”
The Riddler took the shovel he had apparently hidden somewhere in his old woman costume, and began digging rapidly. “I’m so close to the treasure now!”
All of a sudden, something could be heard boiling up under the surface. Everybody looked down, including The Riddler, to realize that oil was spurting out of the ground. The Riddler was knocked off his balance and lifted several feet into the air.
“Noooooo! You terrible teens thwarted my treasure-taking!” The Riddler lamented.
“Great job, Batman!” Fred exclaimed.
“Well, what goes up, must come down.” Batman said with a chuckle, as he pulled a large lasso out of one of the pockets of his costume, and roped it around The Riddler.
“We got him!” Daphne exclaimed.
“Like, phew. We’re finally safe!” Shaggy remarked. “But like, what about the treasure? It’s gotta be in here somewhere.”
“I believe he just stumbled upon it, Shaggy.” Batman answered. “That oil is worth a fortune!”
“I guess The Riddler got more than he bargained for with that treasure.” Fred chuckled.
“He’ll really get more than he bargained for, when we phone the authorities to let them know he hijacked a cruise ship to illegally steal this treasure.” Batman replied, his tone very disapproving.
-
Batman had phoned the Coast Guard, who promptly came to incarcerate The Riddler. The gang and the Dynamic Duo were all gathered around the tied-up Riddler, whilst the other passengers had returned to the cruise ship, awaiting its departure.
“Good job on catching The Riddler, kids!” the Coast Guard complimented. “So you say he hijacked this cruise and impersonated the captain?”
“That’s correct, sir.” Batman politely confirmed. “He hijacked the ship to steal the legendary treasure of Captain Marquette.”
“There’s just one question unanswered: what happened to the real Captain Soule?” Velma asked.
“I paid him nine pennies an hour more than his hourly wage for the day to take over his shift, and showed him a phony boating license so he’d let me do it.” The Riddler admitted in defeat.
“Well, he’ll have a long time in prison to think about what he did.” the Coast Guard assured.
“What about the oil that he struck?” Robin asked.
“That will be returned to its rightful owner: Uncle Sam.” the Coast Guard said. “You guys did great work. We’ve sent out a substitute captain to take everybody home. Oh, there he is now!”
The Coast Guard pointed to a brown-haired man wearing a blue button-up shirt and white pants.
“Hi everybody! I’m Substitute Captain John!” the man said with an overly eager grin on his face.
“Scooby, you did it again!” Batman complimented.
“Actually, Batman, nobody did anything!” Robin corrected. “The Riddler captured himself with his greed.”
“True, but everybody deserves a moment of appreciation every once in a while.” Batman chuckled warmly.
“Well, without us, he might not have dug in that exact spot.” Fred superiorly defended. “Now, let’s all bask in an undeserved moment of accomplishment!”
“Well, Scoob, I guess oil's well that ends well!” Shaggy joked.
Everybody, including the Coast Guard, Substitute Captain John, and even The Riddler, broke out in a several minute long burst of mystery-concluding chuckling.
For those who don’t know, in addition to fanfiction I also run a Scooby-Doo related blog, and I’ve joked a bit on there about how sassy Fred is in the first season of The New Scooby-Doo Movies. I never noticed it as a kid, but Fred has some genuinely sassy one-liners in this season for some reason lol (an example of this being somebody asking where a door leads to in “Wednesday Is Missing,” and Fred replies “We’ll never know.” haha). If you’re not familiar with what I’m talking about, I highly recommend you go back and watch some season 1 episodes of The New Scooby-Doo Movies, as Fred is hilarious in some of them. That said, I wrote Fred with the sassier side of his personality in mind in this fic.
TL,DR: I’ve always wanted to write a joke fic, and this is my attempt at one. It’s basically just me goofing around and isn’t intended to be taken seriously. Hope you enjoy this story!
-
The Mystery Machine drove down a long country dirt road on a hot summer day. The temperature had reached nearly 90, which was a record high for the area. The gang was taking yet another road trip to see a basketball game in Tempe, where their friends, the Harlem Globetrotters were playing.
“Well, gang, just 500 more miles to get there.” Fred announced to the gang.
“500?” Shaggy sighed. “Like, man, Scoob and I are gonna need to stop for a snack pretty soon.”
“Reah! Ri’m starving!” Scooby protested.
“I’m going to need to stop for gas soon too.” Fred replied.
“Oh wow, Fred. We’re nearly out of gas!” Daphne exclaimed, leaning over to see the fuel gauge.
“You’re going to need to stop really soon.” Velma stressed. “By my calculations, we have about two miles left before we run out of gas.”
“You know, come to think of it, we always seem to have this problem.” Daphne noticed. “Why don’t you stop sooner?”
Fred wore a defiant look on his face as he responded. “I told you, I’m of the philosophy that we should use what we have. We need to run the tank almost dry, so that we use up all of the old gas before we get new gas.”
“Wouldn’t it make more sense to fill up when you’re at a quarter tank rather than waiting until the last possible second?” Velma suggested.
“Well, it would, but there’s one problem with that: sometimes I forget.” Fred rebuked. “Like now, for instance.”
At that moment, the Mystery Machine began to slow down from its current speed of 65 a few miles per hour at a time.
“Oh no!” Daphne exclaimed.
“I better go off to the side of the road, so we’re not blocking the highway.” Fred sighed, as he swerved over to the shoulder so he would be out of the way.
“Watch out Fred, there’s someone walking on the side of the road!” Daphne cried out. Upon closer look, the gang saw that an elderly gentleman wearing a top hat and carrying an umbrella was walking along the side.
“Drat!” the gentleman shouted, as he jumped out of the way of the Mystery Machine, and tumbled into the ditch.
The gang’s faces erupted in horror for a moment at Fred’s distracted driving causing this elderly man to have to leap for his life, but they were promptly distracted by the sound of a helicopter landing from above. Upon looking up, they realized it was a familiar vehicle: the Batcopter!
“Rit’s Ratman!” Scooby exclaimed, pointing up to the helicopter’s rapid descent.
“Congratulations kids! You just captured the dreaded Penguin for us!” Batman revealed as the helicopter landed.
“Like, we captured Penguin?” Shaggy asked. “We didn’t even know it was him!”
“Well, regardless of whether you knew or not, you stopped him from doing a dastardly deed: flipping all of the mailbox flags up, despite that there was no mail in them.” Batman remarked.
“Without you, the postmaster would have been extremely inconvenienced!” Robin chimed in.
“Like, I guess we’re heroes!” Shaggy exclaimed.
“We’re obliged to help.” Velma commented.
“Kids, we need to get Penguin into custody, but we want to offer you a generous reward for your heroism.” Batman informed. “Robin and I were planning on going on an all-expenses-paid cruise tomorrow to unwind a bit. Would you like to join us?”
“Would we?” Velma exclaimed with delight.
“That would be a dream!” Daphne chimed in.
“Absolutely!” Fred agreed.
“Like, count us in!” Shaggy stated.
“Reah!” Scooby added his opinion.
“Wonderful!” Batman exclaimed. “Do you think your van will be able to make it to Gotham City?”
“I don’t think the sudden stop did any damage. The Mystery Machine is as sure-footed as a mountain goat.” Fred replied.
“Excellent. Meet us at the Gotham City Pier tomorrow around 12:30pm.” Batman instructed. “We’ll see you kids there!”
“Like, that’ll still give us time to see the Globetrotters’ game tonight!” Shaggy exclaimed.
“Alright gang, I guess we don’t have any time to waste!” Fred declared, as he got back in the Mystery Machine. The rest of the gang was prompt to follow, as they had a Globetrotters game in Tempe to get to.
-
The trip to the Tempe stadium was relatively uneventful, until they arrived at the venue. To the gang’s dismay, the place was being haunted by a phantom. The gang had tried to enlist the Globetrotters’ help, but they needed to fit in some last minute practice due to it being an hour before the game. However, they were thankfully able to capture the ghost, and were just preparing to unmask him.
“Boy kids, I sure am glad you helped us stop the ghostly concession stand employee.” Bobby Joe of the Globetrotters appreciated.
“Aw, it was nothing!” Velma assured.
“We just took a tip from our last Globetrotters game, and used that ice machine to make the ghost trip over his own feet!” Fred laughed.
“I’d say it was one of the easiest traps we’ve ever made!” Daphne chimed in.
“Now, let’s see who this ghost is.” Meadowlark said, as he ripped off the ghost’s mask. The ghost donned an apron, blue jeans and a black t-shirt reading the venue’s name. With his mask on, the ghost had messy blond hair and looked like a 16-year-old boy.
“The manager of the Tempe Tornados!” Curly gasped as the mask was removed. The manager was a middle-aged man with brown hair. “Why would you do this?”
“To win.” the manager nonchalantly shrugged.
“It’s wild how many of our opponents go to the trouble dressing up before the game just to scare us away.” Gip remarked. “Anyway, we should get back to practicing.”
Gip proceeded to grab a ball off the ground, and pressed a button on the tip of his sneakers, causing his shoes to slowly lift him off the ground. Once he was at the same height as the basket, he effortlessly reached over a few inches and put the basketball through the hoop.
“Now that’s what I call elevator shoes!” Pablo exclaimed.
“Yeah, our opponents really need to learn how to play fair.” Geese shook his head in disdain. He then grabbed the ball off the ground, and pulled a large ladder out of seemingly nowhere. He then climbed to the top of the ladder and dropped the ball through the hoop from a few inches above.
“You might say Geese just climbed the ladder of success!” Meadowlark chuckled.
“Let me try one. All this cheating and unfairness is getting me all fired up!” Bobby Joe said, as he pressed a button on the back of his jersey, revealing a jetpack that immediately launched him up to the basket, which he put the ball through.
-
After an enjoyable time at the Globetrotters’ game, the gang had left early from the hotel to ensure they’d get to their destination on time. Sure enough, they arrived at the Gotham City Pier a few minutes before the cruise was scheduled to set sail.
“Oh boy! I can’t believe we’re going on a cruise with Batman!” Daphne exclaimed with excitement.
“I see the Batmobile!” Fred pointed out the Caped Crusader’s blue vehicle with his trademark bat painted on the side. There was a single parking spot open next to the car, which Fred immediately took.
As the gang walked towards the cruise, they all admired the beautiful pier, which consisted of a long wooden dock. The body of water surrounding the dock looked crystal clear, no weeds or grime in sight.
“Hello, kids!” Batman waved from the pier. Oddly, he was still wearing his full Batman suit, and Robin was wearing his as well. “How was the basketball game?”
“It was groovy!” Daphne exclaimed.
“Yeah, like, The Globetrotters won 42 to 2!” Shaggy informed.
“Wonderful!” Batman smiled. “You’re just in time, kids. The boat is just about to board.”
“It’s the big white-and-blue cruise ship on the right.” Robin pointed to the large ship up at the end of the pier.
“Great! Gang, let’s grab our suitcases.” Fred said, as the kids headed back to the Mystery Machine.
“Like, I hope nothing spooky happens on this cruise!” Shaggy shuddered. “Super spooky stuff always seems to happen whenever we go on vacation.”
“Shaggy, you’re acting like a filthy coward.” Fred sassed.
“Besides, Batman’s here. What trouble could there possibly be?” Velma asked rhetorically.
“Yeah…like I guess you’re right.” Shaggy said.
“Of course I’m right!” Fred braggadociously said. “I have a feeling this is going to be one of the best vacations we’ve ever had!”
As the gang headed off into the distance towards the Mystery Machine, and Batman and Robin boarded the cruise, a mysterious figure lurked in the shadows behind a large tree. Once both parties were far enough away, the figure popped out, unseen by anyone. He donned a green bodysuit with a large question mark on it.
“Hahahaha! That’s what they think! They didn’t expect the hilariously heinous heist of The Riddler! In no time flat, I’ll have this whole cruise catastrophically confused with my playful, pernicious pranks!” The Riddler threatened, as he slipped back into the shadows.
-
The gang had gathered all their belongings from the Mystery Machine, and were just boarding the cruise, unknowing of the mayhem the Riddler was planning to create for them.
“Welcome aboard!” a man donning a blue suit and and captain’s cap greeted. “I’m so glad you decided to come on this cruise! My name’s Captain Soule, and I’ll be your captain on this cruise. You are in rooms 104, 105 and 106. Just take a left and follow the sign. Once you’ve done so, be sure to come back here, and I’ll give you a rundown of all the activities.”
“Thank you kindly, sir.” Batman said with a solemn nod.
“C’mon, everyone.” Fred led, heading over to the left to a narrow walkway with a set of doors.
Meanwhile, behind a pole, The Riddler was lurking unbeknownst to our heroes.
“Hahaha! Methinks it’s time for some malicious mayhem.” The Riddler snickered. “I’ll switch this sign the other direction to lead them astray!”
The Riddler grabbed the sign affixed to the poll he was behind. The sign read “rooms” with an arrow to the left, but the Riddler flipped it around so the arrow was now pointing to the right.
“Like, it looks like our rooms are this way.” Shaggy said, taking a sharp turn to the right.
Velma glanced in both directions, and noticed that the path to the right was far shorter than the one to the left. The left path seemed to have more rooms, whereas the right only had two doors at the very end of the hall.
“Hmm…we must have gotten the out-of-the-way rooms.” Velma said curiously.
“Seems like it. These are the only two rooms down this hall!” Fred noticed.
“Batman and I didn’t book the cruise until just a couple days ago, so maybe these were the only rooms left.” Robin shrugged.
“Wait a minute, Robin. These aren’t our rooms!” Batman gasped, reading the signs on each door. “These are the doors leading to the men’s and women’s restrooms!”
“What a mild inconvenience!” Robin lamented. “Now we have to turn around and walk in the other direction!”
Upon realizing the sign had led them in the wrong direction, the gang reversed course and turned to the left to get to their rooms.
“Here’s room 101.” Daphne pointed out, walking a bit further down the hall.
“The room numbers keep going up, so 104, 105 and 106 must be nearby.” Velma mentioned, as they kept walking.
“Like, I think you’re right, Velma.” Shaggy nodded. “Scoob and I can take room 106.”
“Which rooms would the rest of you like?” Batman kindly inquired.
“We’ll take 105.” Fred answered.
“Excellent! Then Robin and I will take room 104.” Batman agreed.
“Let’s all take a few moments to unpack, and we’ll regroup out here to go talk to the captain.” Fred suggested, as Fred, Velma and Daphne headed into their room.
At that moment, a man’s voice could suddenly be heard calling from down the hall. “Ice cream! Get your ice cream here!”
“Rice ream?!?” Scooby licked his lips.
“Like, Scoob and I need to get our hands on some of that!” Shaggy exclaimed. “Do you guys, like, mind if we go get some?”
“I think we’ll be able to unpack this on our own.” Daphne replied.
“You guys go ahead. You can meet us back here when you’re done, and we’ll all go see the captain.” Fred instructed.
“Would you mind if I got some too, Batman?” Robin asked. “I’m getting a bit hungry myself.”
“Of course not, Robin.” Batman kindly smiled. “This is our vacation, so you may as well make the most of it! Just keep a lookout in case there really is a sign switcher causing mischief.”
“Will do.” Robin nodded. “Be back in a moment.”
Robin, Shaggy and Scooby all ventured out into the hallway in search of the man who had advertised the ice cream.
“Like, where is that guy?” Shaggy asked.
“What guy?” an unfamiliar voice questioned behind them. Shaggy, Scooby and Robin quickly realized it was the ice cream man they were searching for. The ice cream man donned a white apron and hat, along with blue jeans.
“That’s rhe ruy!” Scooby pointed out.
“Oh, hey! Like, we were looking to get some ice cream!” Shaggy informed.
The ice cream man’s face lit up in delight. “Well, you’re certainly in the right place! What flavors would you like?”
“Oh boy! I can’t decide!” Shaggy exclaimed. “I guess I’ll take one scoop of vanilla and one scoop of chocolate.”
“Re roo!” Scooby agreed.
“Let me take a closer look at your flavors.” Robin asked curiously, as he examined the ice cream cart.
As he did so, the ice cream man leaned in to Robin. “Say, chum, riddle me this. What do you call a fish with no eyes?”
“Hmm…” Robin pondered the question for a few moments, but suddenly, his face fell into anguish. “Dear God, he’s out-riddled us all!”
At that moment, Batman burst onto the scene, sprinting over to Shaggy, Scooby and Robin at lightning speed.
“The answer is simple, Robin: a fsh.” Batman instantly solved. “However, that’s no ice cream man! That’s the Riddler!”
“Oh drat!” the ice cream man sneered, as he ripped off his apron and hat to reveal his trademark green bodysuit. “You’ve won this round, Batman, but beware! I will cause carefully calculated chaos over the course of this cruise. Until next time, chums!”
With that, The Riddler promptly jumped in his ice cream cart and Flintstoned it the heck out of there.
“I’m glad you all were still close enough to our room that I could overhear him give you that riddle. I suspected foul play after those signs were switched. That’s just the kind of annoying, slightly inconvenient humor style that The Riddler has.” Batman informed.
“Hey, what happened out here?” Fred asked.
“We heard the commotion.” Velma added.
“We just had a run-in with one of our foes, The Riddler!” Robin revealed. “It seems he’s trying to ruin our vacation.”
“From now on, we need to be extra careful.” Batman warned. “The Riddler could be lurking anywhere, waiting to cause unimaginably trivial mayhem.”
“For now, we should go back to the captain.” Daphne replied. “I’m sure he’s waiting for us.”
“Daphne’s right. The Riddler will turn up sooner or later, so no reason to go looking for him.” Fred pointed out.
“Finally, like, a plan we can agree with for once.” Shaggy breathed a sigh of relief.
“Reah!” Scooby nodded and wagged his tail in agreement.
“Oh hey, there’s the captain now!” Daphne exclaimed, pointing just a few yards down the hall.
“Hey, Captain!” Velma called. “We were just looking for you.”
“Oh, hello there! I was just looking for you all as well, since it was taking you a while.” the captain said. “You all are free to do whatever you want, but we do have a few activities planned for any passengers who are interested. Tonight, we’ve got a dance, and we’ll be doing a scavenger hunt here in the Carneli Caves tomorrow. Rumor has it, a seventeenth-century pirate named Captain Marquette hid all his booty there. Of course, it’s just a legend, and the treasure’s not actually real.”
“That sounds like a groovy way to spend the day!” Daphne exclaimed, turning to her friends. “What do you think?”
“Sounds like a blast!” Velma agreed.
“I’d be on board.” Fred nodded.
“Like, I’d love to!” Shaggy agreed.
“Re roo!” Scooby chimed in.
“Sounds like an amusing way to pass the evening, but I think Robin and I will sit the dance out.” Batman replied politely. “We’ll be in the ballroom on high alert in case The Riddler attempts to cause more mischief.”
“The Riddler? Here?” the captain gasped.
“Unfortunately so.” Robin shared. “We saw him dressed as an ice cream man about five minutes ago.”
“Never fear though, we’ll be keeping our eyes out for him, and we’ll intervene should he attempt to cause any trouble.” Batman assured the captain.
“Thank you, Batman and Robin. I’ll rest much easier tonight knowing that you two are on the case.” Captain Soule appreciated. “The dance will be in the ballroom immediately following dinner tonight. I look forward to seeing you all there!”
-
The gang had just finished up dinner, which was a delectable feast of spaghetti with meat sauce, garlic bread, and a side salad. Following the dinner, the group all headed over to the ballroom next door. The room was quite lively-looking, with vibrant walls painted red, and bright lights illuminating the dance floor. Each of the kids had partnered up - Fred with Daphne, and Shaggy with Scooby. Given Batman and Robin were standing on the sidelines, Velma was left with nobody to dance with.
“Seems like I’m always the wallflower.” Velma remarked.
“Like, I’ll switch with Scoob after this dance.” Shaggy promised. “I think he’s getting a little tired anyway.”
Scooby was panting heavily from his quick dancing to the uptempo beat. “Ri’ll say!”
“Boy, it’s nice to have a vacation. We sure needed one after all those ghosts and ghouls we’ve been chasing.” Daphne remarked.
“I just hope The Riddler doesn’t come in and interrupt our fun.” Fred wished.
Meanwhile, over in the DJ booth at the front of the ballroom, the DJ was picking out his next record. The brown-haired male DJ donned a white suit and black pants, and wore a pair of sunglasses. Unnoticed by anybody else, the DJ was tapped on the shoulder by The Riddler, dressed in an outfit that mirrored the current DJ’s look exactly.
“Excuse me, sir.” The Riddler said, tapping the real DJ on the shoulder. “Captain Soule said you can take a break. I’ll take over for the next few minutes.”
“Thanks, mate! You know, creating a playlist of funky fresh tunes every week is so much harder than people think! It’s about time I got a break mid-set.” the DJ breathed a sigh of relief, as he walked towards the door.
As the real DJ walked away, The Riddler surreptitiously took the booth holding a record. He waited until the current upbeat song was over, as not to raise any suspicion. As the final note of the previous song played, he quickly switched the records.
“Let’s see how these Dynamic Dufuses fare against my maliciously mesmerizing melodies, designed to hypnotize anybody who’s not dancing.” The Riddler snickered heartily. A generic disco song promptly began playing.
“Well, no sign of The Riddler yet, Robin.” Batman remarked.
“Thankfully not.” Robin agreed. “Wow, this song is so catchy, Batman! I’ve never heard anything like it before!”
“Yes, yes, it’s quite the rousing tune.” Batman smiled, lightly bobbing his head.
“This song just makes me want to get up and move! I don’t know if I can stop myself!” Robin said with a laugh.
To Batman’s surprise, Robin started dancing enthusiastically, and headed towards the dancefloor. He began swaying his arms rapidly from side to side, then proceeded to pump his hands in the air energetically.
“Like, hey, even Robin’s getting in on the fun!” Shaggy exclaimed.
“Wait a minute! I’m starting to think Robin’s dancing has gone beyond the realm of enjoyment.” Batman postulated. The Caped Crusader’s assumption was quickly confirmed when the gang all stopped dancing and looked over at Robin, who was now cavorting about wildly.
“Can’t. Stop. Doing. The. Hustle!” Robin panted in between his manic dance moves.
“And I’m starting to think that’s not the real DJ.” Fred realized.
“I think that’s The Riddler!” Daphne gasped.
“Ruh-roh!” Scooby exclaimed.
“Drat! I guess the jig is up…for now.” The Riddler said, grabbing his record and running away.
“After him!” Fred shouted.
The gang and Batman rushed out into the hall to catch The Riddler, but he was nowhere in sight. Robin, who’d broken out of his dance-trance, also hurried out into the hall.
“He’s disappeared!” Daphne gasped.
“Which direction did he go?” Velma inquired.
“I think we have a better chance at finding him if we split up.” Fred suggested. “Shaggy, Scooby, you go left with Batman and Robin. Daphne, Velma and I will head in the other direction.”
“Like, do we have to?” Shaggy rhetorically asked. His question was met with no response, as Fred, Velma and Daphne started running in the other direction.
“Ro ray, ri’m rot roving!” Scooby shook his head in obstinance.
“Would you do it for a Bat Snack?” Batman inquired.
“Roh roy! Reah! Reah!” Scooby eagerly exclaimed, wagging his tail back and forth vigorously.
“Like, me too!” Shaggy exclaimed.
“Alright, here you go.” Batman chuckled, as he tossed the two snacks in the air for Shaggy and Scooby. The hungry chowhounds quickly devoured the delicious snacks, licking their lips afterwards.
“Rhank you!” Scooby appreciated.
“Yeah, like, thanks! I just hope The Riddler isn’t going to try to hypnotize us all with his music.” Shaggy gulped. “Hey, like, how was only Robin hypnotized?”
“The music must have only affected people if they weren’t already dancing.” Robin responded.
“Like, I guess that makes sense…but wait a minute…how was Batman not hypnotized?” Shaggy inquired.
“Simple, Shaggy.” Batman responded. “This suit is equipped with bat hearing, so I hear things at a higher frequency than the average human would. The frequency of The Riddler’s tune must have been too low to affect me.”
Batman, Robin, Shaggy and Scooby continued walking down the hallway, but quickly realized they were at crossroads when they ran into another two-way split in their path.
“I propose we split up again.” Batman stated.
“Wait, Batman. One of us should stay with Shaggy and Scooby in case they run into The Riddler.” Robin suggested.
“Excellent idea, Robin.” Batman agreed.
“Like, I’m glad we have at least one of the Dynamic Duo here to protect us.” Shaggy breathed a sigh of relief.
“Re roo!” Scooby agreed.
“Alright, keep your eyes peeled for anything strange.” Robin warned.
All of a sudden, our three heroes noticed an old man with an ostentatiously large nose and mustache hobbling along. He donned a black tuxedo and had gray hair.
“Say, would you fellas indulge an old timer like me in a question I’ve been wondering about?” the old man said, his voice sounding very nasally and strained.
“Sure…like, I don’t see why not.” Shaggy shrugged.
“What’s black and white and read all over?” the old man asked.
“Hmm…” Robin pondered, before his face lit up in amazement. “Wow! I know they say our elders have a lot of wisdom, but this man is clearly wise beyond his years. I’m not sure if there is an answer to your extremely philosophical question, sir. Can you think of an answer, Shaggy and Scooby?”
“Ri ron’t row.” Scooby shook his head with a giggle.
“Like, I certainly can’t think of one.” Shaggy scratched his head.
“That’s no old man!” Batman shouted from behind them. “That’s The Riddler! He’s trying to trick you!”
“Oh bother!” The Riddler sneered, as he took off his mustache and nose putty. “You idiotically irritating imbeciles are incapable of incarcerating me!”
“Oh my goodness, Batman!” Robin’s jaw dropped. “He’s instantly recognizable without that extremely cheap disguise!”
Before any of them had a chance to grab him, The Riddler booked it in the other direction.
“After him!” Batman exclaimed.
“Like, here we go again.” Shaggy whimpered, as he quickly followed the Caped Crusader. Scooby and Robin immediately gave chase to the green-suited villain as well. They ran until they reached the edge of the deck, and promptly made a right turn to see where The Riddler had gone. To their shock, The Riddler had disappeared.
“He’s gone, Batman!” Robin gasped.
“Like, good. I hope he’s gone from this ship too!” Shaggy chuckled.
“I would very much doubt that, Shaggy.” Batman said. “The Riddler is a master of pranks. I’m sure he’s still lurking around here somewhere, just waiting for his chance to be as bothersome as possible.”
“Should we stay and look for him, Batman?” Robin asked.
“Perhaps a better course of action would be to find the others.” Batman responded.
“He almost seems like he’s scared of us for some reason.” Robin remarked. “He keeps running away whenever we discover his disguises!”
“Maybe these trivial pranks are actually a front for something bigger.” Batman pondered.
“Zoinks!” Shaggy exclaimed. “You mean, like, he’s gonna surprise us with a master plan?”
“I believe so, Shaggy. Now, we just have to figure out what that plan is, and capture him once and for all.” Batman responded.
-
Meanwhile, Fred, Daphne and Velma were walking along the other side of the deck. The sun was just beginning to set, creating an eerie glow across the sky and amping up the creep factor.
“Hey, what’s this?” Daphne asked, picking up a small scrap of paper on the floor.
“Let me see that, Daph.” Fred inquired, taking the paper from her hand. “It says 30°E 18°N, and 22°E 16°N.”
“Sounds like some sort of directions to me. I wonder if this was The Riddler’s.” Velma questioned.
“Re saw him!” a familiar dog’s voice whimpered.
“You found The Riddler?” Fred questioned.
“Briefly, but he got away.” Robin clarified.
“Like, we think he may have a bigger plan than just fooling around with us.” Shaggy shared Batman’s wisdom.
“We found this, Batman. I’m not sure if it’s a clue.” Daphne stated, taking the piece of paper back from Fred, and handing it to Batman.
“Hmm…it very well may be.” Batman nodded, pocketing the clue.
Fred let out a yawn. “I don’t know about you all, but I’m bushed.”
“I agree. I think it’s time to turn in for the night.” Velma suggested.
“Sounds good, kids.” Batman agreed. “We’ll reconvene in the morning. Hopefully, if we’re prepared for The Riddler’s shenanigans, we’ll be able to stop him before he does whatever he’s planning.”
-
Shaggy and Scooby were just getting ready for bed in their room. The room was quite modest, with just a bed, a nightstand, a small closet and a bathroom. The walls were painted a drab shade of white. A single small window was right near the door, which gave them a view out onto the deck.
Shaggy had just set out his toothbrush, but had stepped away for a moment to grab his pajamas to change into. When he returned, to his surprise, there was no toothbrush.
“Like, did you take my toothbrush, Scoob?” Shaggy asked accusingly.
“Ri ridn’t, Raggy!” Scooby defended.
“Well, like, if you didn’t…who did?” Shaggy inquired.
A high-pitched, menacing giggle could be heard resounding throughout the room.
“Zoinks!” Shaggy cried. “Like, do you think it’s safe to go to sleep, Scoob?”
“Ri rope ro.” Scooby whimpered.
“Well, we might as well try.” Shaggy said, feeling extremely on edge following the creepy sound. “Goodnight, Scoob.”
“Roodnight, Raggy.” Scooby reciprocated.
As the two cowardly companions laid down on dark blue sheets on their bed, they promptly heard another noise.
“Ooooooh!” a voice whistled through the vents.
“Zoinks! It must be some kind of ghost!” Shaggy leaped out of bed.
“Rhost? Rikes!” Scooby quickly followed suit, tumbling out of bed in terror himself.
“Ohhhhhhhh!” the voice groaned.
“Wait a minute, Scoob! I don’t think the voices are coming from this room.” Shaggy realized, as he climbed on top of the bed to test his theory. He leaned his ear up to an air vent above their bed.
“Ahhhhh!” the high-pitched noise wisped, sounding much louder to Shaggy now. He squinted to see through the vent, and his theory was quickly confirmed.
“Like, thankfully, I don’t think we have anything to worry about.” Shaggy breathed a sigh of relief. “It’s just the air conditioner making weird noises. Nothing to be afraid of…at least for now.”
“Rhank roodness.” Scooby breathed a sigh of relief.
“All that talk about The Riddler must be getting on our nerves.” Shaggy chuckled, as he climbed back into bed. “Wait a minute…even if the noises aren’t coming from this room…where’d my toothbrush go?”
“Ri ron’t row!” Scooby gasped.
Both cowardly companions jumped under the covers and began shivering. Meanwhile, outside, The Riddler let out a menacing laugh, as he held up Shaggy’s toothbrush and began brushing his teeth with it.
-
Robin stretched as he woke up. The room was rather drab-looking and the window didn’t provide all that much of a view, so Robin wasn’t particularly eager to rise and shine this morning.
“I’m glad The Riddler didn’t bother us last night.” Robin said, as he got out of bed and looked in the mirror. To his horror, he noticed something amiss on the top of his head. He donned a blue nightcap rather than his usual red one. “Dear god, Batman, our nightcaps have been switched!”
“Easy, Robin.” Batman said with a light chuckle. “You were so tired last night that you accidentally took my nightcap off of the bed.”
“Phew.” Robin breathed a sigh of relief, as he shut the door to change out of his pajamas and into his costume.
Once Robin was costumed, the Dynamic Duo headed out onto the dock, where the gang was already dressed and waiting.
“Good morning, kids!” Batman smiled. “How did you all sleep?”
“Well, it’s not as great as my bed at home, but it was pretty good, I guess.” Fred bluntly replied, sounding slightly bothered.
“Yeah, the beds are really comfortable here!” Daphne chimed in.
“Like, yeah, the beds are great here. If only the air conditioner didn’t sound like a ghost!” Shaggy gulped.
“Great to hear. Robin and I slept excellently as well.” Batman shared.
“It looks like we’re approaching those caves the captain was talking about for the scavenger hunt.” Robin pointed out. The gang and Batman looked in the direction that Robin was pointing, and saw that they were within a mile or so of the destination.
“I didn’t expect us to arrive so early.” Daphne remarked. “I assume we were having breakfast before the cave.”
“Maybe it’s, like, a picnic!” Shaggy joked.
“In the cave? I’ll pass!” Fred replied.
“No, no, kids.” the captain laughed as he rounded the corner and approached the group, apparently overhearing their conversation. “We’ll be arriving a bit earlier than anticipated, so we’ll be eating breakfast after our scavenger hunt. Gotta work up an appetite before you eat breakfast, right?”
“Yes, I suppose so.” Batman politely chuckled.
“If you kids are interested in the scavenger hunt, you can head over to the front of the ship where you got on. There are a few folks waiting over there now. I’ll be along shortly, after I park the ship.” the captain informed.
“Let’s head over, gang.” Fred suggested.
“Like, I wish he would have scheduled breakfast first. I’m kinda famished!” Shaggy lamented.
“Re roo!” Scooby protested.
“Don’t worry, guys!” Daphne assured. “I’m sure there’ll be plenty of food to eat when we finish the scavenger hunt.”
The group all made their way over to the front of the ship, and saw a decent amount of passengers waiting for the captain to lower the gangplank.
“Attention passengers!” the captain’s voice boomed over the intercom. “If you plan to go on our scavenger hunt, please exit the ship in an orderly fashion from the gangplank. Your first item is a piece of fake pirate’s gold. Once you’ve found it, find me and I will give you the next clue.”
“That’s odd.” Robin pointed out. “Usually scavenger hunts have the next clue right next to the item you find.”
“Maybe they’ve had an issue with people stealing the clue from others if they leave it by the item you’re supposed to find.” Velma shrugged. “It does seem like there’s a lot of people participating.”
“Alright everyone, the gangplank is lowering!” Fred remarked.
The seven heroes were the first to hurry down the gangplank and onto solid ground, but were quickly followed by some other eager passengers. The gangplank was placed to lead directly into the cave entrance, which looked quite spooky. The cave roof was covered in stalactites, and there was an eerie silence that pervaded the place. There were two possible paths that they could take, one large path to the left, and one small path to the right. While the left path was naturally paved with rocks, the right path was much more rugged, with only a narrow dirt path. The gang saw a large group of people head to the left.
“Everybody’s going left.” Velma pointed out. “What do you want to bet that this treasure is on the right?”
“Excellent deduction, Velma.” Batman complimented. “I think our best bet is to try to go right as well.”
The gang followed Batman and Robin’s suggestion, all heading towards the right path away from the rest of the group.
“Remember everybody, keep your eyes peeled. The Riddler could be lurking anywhere.” Batman warned.
“Like, I sure hope not!” Shaggy gulped.
The gang walked a tad further into the cave, and realized an unfortunate truth: there was another split in the path. One path went straight, while the other veered off to the left.
“Ruh-roh!” Scooby gulped.
“Like, ruh-roh is right, Scoob! Don’t tell me we’ve gotta split up again!” Shaggy whimpered.
“Well, personally, I think that would be the best course of action.” Fred defiantly disagreed. “Velma, Daphne and I will go this way.”
“I’ll go with Shaggy, Scooby and Robin this time.” Batman said. “We’ll take the left path.”
A loud moaning could suddenly be heard from the left path.
“Like, is it too late to change our minds?” Shaggy sighed.
As soon as Batman and the others walked a few steps down the left path, a large ghost wearing a sheet sprung out at them. The spirit floated in midair, swaying back and forth.
“Oooh! I am the Phantom of Your Deepest Regrets!” the high-pitched spirit’s voice hissed.
“Oh god! I knew that slightly belated Mother’s Day Card would come back to haunt me!” Robin cried out.
“Easy, Robin.” Batman said with a light chuckle. “This ghost is nothing but a cheap bedsheet on a wire. The eyes, nose and mouth are even drawn on with what appears to be a Sharpie.”
“Phew.” Shaggy breathed a sigh of relief.
“Wait! I see someone up ahead!” Robin exclaimed.
Batman and Robin rapidly increased their speed to a run to see who it was, causing Shaggy and Scooby to reluctantly do the same. They quickly ran across a large opening where the path significantly widened, and could hear the sounds of somebody digging with a shovel.
“Hey, it’s the captain!” Shaggy exclaimed. “Like, what are you doing over here, Captain Soule?”
“Oh…we’ve had people try to come into the cave and filch the gold in between cruises, so I had to check to make sure the item was still here.” Captain Soule laughed, sounding a bit caught off-guard.
“Let me check something.” Batman said, pulling the scrap of paper they’d found earlier out of his pocket, as well as a compass with a large bat on it. “The compass says we are at 22°E 16°N.”
“That was one of the coordinates written on that scrap of paper!” Robin exclaimed.
Scooby began sniffing the air. Inexplicably, he began growling.
“What’s the matter, Scoob?” Shaggy asked.
Scooby walked towards the captain, and smelled his shoes carefully. The great dane looked as if he almost had a sudden realization, and then yipped.
“Wait a minute…” Batman said, examining the captain’s face closer. His eyes lit up with shock when he noticed a concerning detail: his nose was misshapen. “He’s wearing a silly putty nose!”
“Why, don’t be silly!” the captain nervously denied. “Are you implying that my nose isn’t real?”
“Wait a minute…silly putty nose…it’s The Riddler! He’s in disguise again!” Robin gasped.
“Oh drat!” the captain’s voice immediately got much higher-pitched, and morphed into a voice they all recognized. Realizing the jig was up, the captain removed his mask, revealing that Batman and Robin’s accusations were correct. “Alright, you’ve figured out my true identity! This isn’t some silly scavenger hunt! It’s rumored that Captain Marquette’s gold is hidden in that cave, and I’m going to get my hands on it! You’ll never stop me!”
The Riddler immediately began running away with his shovel, racing from the open area into another narrow path up ahead.
“The other coordinate was 30°E 18°N. That’s not too far from here, so he’ll be close by.” Batman responded.
“Don’t we, like, want to run after him?” Shaggy asked.
“We’re quickly approaching the other location, and The Riddler will likely try to catch us by surprise to get us out of the way. If we run, we may be rushing right into a trap. We’ll want to be very careful.” Batman responded.
Batman, Robin, Shaggy and Scooby all followed the path that The Riddler took, as Batman rapidly checked his compass.
“We’re already at 26°E, 17°N, so I believe it’s just up ahead.” Batman said, as the group continued to slowly creep along the path. They quickly ran across another large open space, which was presumably where The Riddler was planning the next dig.
Shaggy, Scooby and the Dynamic Duo cautiously looked around as soon as they reached the opening. They didn’t see The Riddler; however, they did see some familiar faces: Fred, Daphne and Velma.
“Oh, good! The paths connected!” Daphne exclaimed.
“Any sign of anything?” Velma asked. “We didn’t find a thing.”
“Like, we did.” Shaggy gulped.
“We saw The Riddler, and we believe he’s coming here to dig for the treasure.” Robin informed.
“Why would he want the treasure?” Velma asked in a confused tone. “This is all for fun.”
“This is no game.” Batman replied. “Our captain has been The Riddler all along, and he only took us on this phony scavenger hunt to get his hands on treasure that’s rumored to be here.”
“Like, The Riddler could be anywhere! What do we do?” Shaggy panicked.
“Let’s all search the walls for secret passages. He couldn’t have gone far.” Batman suggested.
“Great idea, Batman.” Fred complimented, as he went over to the far side of the cave wall and began feeling it to see if there were any secret openings.
Everybody else did the same, each feeling along a wall for a secret lever or button that might reveal the hiding spot of The Riddler.
Shaggy felt along a wall and reached his hand in a small indentation of the rock. He quickly realized that the texture was extremely different than the cave wall, because he wasn’t touching a wall at all - he was touching a bat! The bat flew away in protest, causing Shaggy to yell his trademark catchphrase.
“Like, zoinks! That wasn’t the kind of secret I was hoping to find.” Shaggy lamented.
Robin felt along the wall as well, but was coming up empty. All of a sudden, he felt something feel him on the shoulder. He spun around to see it was an old lady whom he’d never seen before. At first, he was shocked, but when he saw the sweet old lady holding a camera, his anxiety lessened a bit.
“Oh! I didn’t see you there.” Robin chuckled with a hint of nervousness. “You must be looking for the treasure too.”
“Yes, but you see, I’ve gotten a bit lost, unfortunately.” the elderly woman sighed. “It’s quite silly really, because I’m a world traveler, so you’d think I’d have my directions all figured out.”
“Oh…well, I’m sorry I can’t be of more help.” Robin apologized. “That’s very cool that you’ve traveled the world, ma’am!”
“Yes, yes, it is. But in all of the places I’ve been, nobody’s ever been able to answer this one question I’ve been wondering for so long.” the woman shared. “Do you want to give it a try?”
“Aww, shucks.” Robin blushed, honored that this woman he didn’t even know would trust him enough to ask him for advice. “Why not?”
“What goes around the world but never leaves its corner?” the woman asked.
Robin immediately looked completely overwhelmed. This was such a rich philosophical question that one could spend their entire life trying to search for the answer. “Golly, ma’am…that’s one tough question. If I didn’t know better, I’d say that was the Riddle of the Sphinx!”
All of a sudden, Batman raced over, looking very urgent. “No, Robin! Don’t answer that riddle!”
“But…I…want to.” Robin replied, extreme emotional tension present in his voice.
“That’s The Riddler, Robin! He’s dressed up to fool us again, as that old woman!” Batman clarified. “The answer is a stamp.”
“Drat!” the old woman’s voice immediately changed to a high-pitched male’s voice, ripping off his costume once again to reveal the trademark Riddler getup. “Regardless, you can never stop me! This is the final location of the treasure, so it has to be here!”
The Riddler took the shovel he had apparently hidden somewhere in his old woman costume, and began digging rapidly. “I’m so close to the treasure now!”
All of a sudden, something could be heard boiling up under the surface. Everybody looked down, including The Riddler, to realize that oil was spurting out of the ground. The Riddler was knocked off his balance and lifted several feet into the air.
“Noooooo! You terrible teens thwarted my treasure-taking!” The Riddler lamented.
“Great job, Batman!” Fred exclaimed.
“Well, what goes up, must come down.” Batman said with a chuckle, as he pulled a large lasso out of one of the pockets of his costume, and roped it around The Riddler.
“We got him!” Daphne exclaimed.
“Like, phew. We’re finally safe!” Shaggy remarked. “But like, what about the treasure? It’s gotta be in here somewhere.”
“I believe he just stumbled upon it, Shaggy.” Batman answered. “That oil is worth a fortune!”
“I guess The Riddler got more than he bargained for with that treasure.” Fred chuckled.
“He’ll really get more than he bargained for, when we phone the authorities to let them know he hijacked a cruise ship to illegally steal this treasure.” Batman replied, his tone very disapproving.
-
Batman had phoned the Coast Guard, who promptly came to incarcerate The Riddler. The gang and the Dynamic Duo were all gathered around the tied-up Riddler, whilst the other passengers had returned to the cruise ship, awaiting its departure.
“Good job on catching The Riddler, kids!” the Coast Guard complimented. “So you say he hijacked this cruise and impersonated the captain?”
“That’s correct, sir.” Batman politely confirmed. “He hijacked the ship to steal the legendary treasure of Captain Marquette.”
“There’s just one question unanswered: what happened to the real Captain Soule?” Velma asked.
“I paid him nine pennies an hour more than his hourly wage for the day to take over his shift, and showed him a phony boating license so he’d let me do it.” The Riddler admitted in defeat.
“Well, he’ll have a long time in prison to think about what he did.” the Coast Guard assured.
“What about the oil that he struck?” Robin asked.
“That will be returned to its rightful owner: Uncle Sam.” the Coast Guard said. “You guys did great work. We’ve sent out a substitute captain to take everybody home. Oh, there he is now!”
The Coast Guard pointed to a brown-haired man wearing a blue button-up shirt and white pants.
“Hi everybody! I’m Substitute Captain John!” the man said with an overly eager grin on his face.
“Scooby, you did it again!” Batman complimented.
“Actually, Batman, nobody did anything!” Robin corrected. “The Riddler captured himself with his greed.”
“True, but everybody deserves a moment of appreciation every once in a while.” Batman chuckled warmly.
“Well, without us, he might not have dug in that exact spot.” Fred superiorly defended. “Now, let’s all bask in an undeserved moment of accomplishment!”
“Well, Scoob, I guess oil's well that ends well!” Shaggy joked.
Everybody, including the Coast Guard, Substitute Captain John, and even The Riddler, broke out in a several minute long burst of mystery-concluding chuckling.
