Zak the Reluctant Werewolf! (based off the Scooby-Doo movie)

[wileyk209]

Here is a very different type of Scooby-Doo fanfic from me! Instead of starring anyone from Mystery Inc., it instead involves the group of kooky monsters from "Scooby-Doo and the Reluctant Werewolf" and their annual Monster Road Rally, taking place one year after the events of the movie, and Shaggy and Scooby are often mentioned in the dialogue. They need a new werewolf, and they end up nabbing my fursona Zak Wolf to drive the Werewolf Wagon in the race! Hilarity ensues! I will begin with the cover image...




One night in the Generic Toon Woods, Zak Wolf was looking around for those three boar brothers, Bass, Bongo and Boss to make a meal out of them. He was doing a traditional cartoon "big bad wolf" sneak through the woods, lurking around trees. But what he didn't realize at the moment was the big full moon in the sky, and the boars could see it from the shrub they were hiding behind.

Boss chuckled and said, "Time to put 'Operation Werewolf' into action!"

"Oh?" Bass asked. "Is one of us gonna disguise as a werewolf to try and befriend and eventually fool Zak?"

"Or are we all going to stack up in a werewolf suit to do so?" Bongo added.

"No, no, no," Boss said. "Look what I brought..." He pulled something out of the burlap sack he brought: a red plaid shirt that had some tears in it. "I'll try and get this to slip right onto Zak, and voila! Instant werewolf! Everyone who doesn't know Zak will be terrified of him, especially on the night of a full moon like tonight!"

Bass and Bongo snickered at that. "Great idea, Boss!" Bass sneered. "We do know how much he loves to play dress-up!"

"Yeah," Bongo added. "But his disguises can't really fool us!"

"But this one WILL fool others," Boss said with a grin.

And so, Boss took the shirt and scrambled up a tree that Zak Wolf was approaching. He waited, and with precision timing he opened up the neck of the shirt he was holding and dropped it right onto Zak, covering his head at first.

"Hey, what's going on?" Zak cried out. "Don't tell me I've gone blind! Wait a sec, something is on me..." He felt the top of his hat and worked his cartoon-gloved paws down the shirt. "Feels like a shirt. Better get a better look at it..." So Zak worked the shirt below his head and onto his black furry torso. Besides his patched blue pants and his floppy brown hat, Zak wasn't wearing anything else until he pulled the shirt on. He looked down and scratched the goatee-like tuft of fur on his chin. "Kind of tight and it's ripping a bit... but I do like the plaid look, and it may warm me up a little. It is kind of chilly out."

But then Zak heard a snicker above him, and he looked up and saw Boss Boar giggling.

"What's the big idea?!" Zak roared at him. "Dropping a shirt on me? What kind of scheme is that? You need better material." He stomped off in an annoyed fashion as Boss laughed uproariously.

***

Meanwhile, in darkest, deepest Transylvania, Count Dracula had called all the monsters of his realm for a meeting. In the meeting room in Dracula's castle, the Frankenstein Monster, two witch sisters, the Mummy, Mr. Bonejangles the skeleton, the Swamp Thing, and a small wolfish creature named Wolfgong.

"You sure you want to go through with this again?" Frankenstein asked Dracula.

"Remember last year's Monster Road Rally," Bonejangles added, "when that Shaggy werewolf and his friends fouled everything up?"

"Yeah," the Swamp Thing agreed, "and none of us got to cross the finish line! The prizes were null and void!"

"Bah!" Dracula exclaimed. "I've learned my lesson! This time we'll find a werewolf that's already a werewolf. We won't have to transform anybody! But where?"

"Yeah," the Mummy asked. "How can we have a Monster Of The Year without a werewolf?"

"We can easily find another werewolf, master," Wolfgong said. "The Witch sisters can use their crystal ball to locate one!"

"Good idea!" the small witch sister said as she pulled out her crystal ball and turned a knob on its' base, to which static appeared inside the ball and then cut to a Western. "Oops, wrong channel!" the witch said. "Let me check my CB Guide..." She pulled out her TV Guide-styled magazine for crystal balls, thumbed through the pages, and then turned the knob on the base of the ball, and the "channel" changed to the woods. As soon as Zak Wolf walked into view in the crystal ball, the small witch jumped for joy and said, "Ooh, look! I found a werewolf!"

"Give it to me, quick!" Dracula said as he quickly snatched the crystal ball out of the witch sister's hands. "Ahh, he's lurking in the Generic Toon Woods in the USA! I will summon the Hunch Bunch!"

"Not the Hunch Bunch!" Frankenstein exclaimed.

"They're morons!" the Mummy added.

"You work with what you got," Dracula quickly said. He pulled out a triangle and started ringing it, calling out "Crunchy and Brunchy, get in here!"

Sure enough, the Hunch Bunch, consisting of the two hunchbacks Crunch (a slobbering balding type) and Brunch (a dignified British fellow with a monocle), entered. Crunch let out some slobbering noises.

"You rang for us, sire?" Brunch asked Dracula in an English-accented voice. "What's the caper?"

"Bleah!" Crunch blabbered. "Blat's the blaper?"

"Right here," Dracula said as he pointed to the crystal ball. "You are to go to the Generic Toon Woods in America, and bring back this werewolf for the big race."

Brunch quickly scribbled a doodle of Zak Wolf to use as a reference. "You can count on us, Count!" he said.

"If you fail," Dracula warned the Hunch Bunch, "it means the torture chamber, with you two as permanent guests!"

"Ah, fear not, your lordship," Brunch assured Dracula. "You'll have your werewolf within the hour. Come, Crunch! To the Bat Copter!"

***

And so, the two horrible monsters took off on their sinister mission, in their Bat Copter. Would the unsuspecting Zak Wolf be able to ward off this treacherous plot? We shall see...

After a surprisingly quick flight, Crunch and Brunch landed their Bat Copter in the Generic Toon Woods.

"Ahh, here we are, Crunch," Brunch said. "The Generic Toon Woods! The perfect place for a werewolf to lurk about. Crunch, bring the sack and the rope."

"Bp-bp-bbleah!" Crunch sputtered as he got the rope and a burlap sack out of the rear compartment of the Bat Copter.

The Hunch Bunch started to look around for Zak. But they didn't count on the three boars, Bass, Bongo and Boss encountering them! The boars were laughing it up and talking about how they sure put one over their wolf adversary, when they saw Crunch and Brunch, screamed in unison, and ran off in three different directions!

"Mmmm!" Crunch said as he licked his lips with his long tongue. "Bloars!"

"No time for pork now, old chap," Brunch told his partner. "We have a werewolf to wrap up!" He looked at the ground. "Ah, wolf tracks! He must be nearby. Come, Crunch!"

And they followed the tracks for a bit until Zak Wolf was in sight, still storming back to his place in a huff.

"Blehhy!" Crunch exclaimed. "Blit's him!"

"Shh, Crunch," Brunch shushed his partner. "Let's run up softly and then sneak up on him!"

Crunch and Brunch hurried over to Zak, but when they saw him starting to turn his head, they zipped over to some large rocks and hid behind them, with Zak not noticing. He wondered what that sound was, but shrugged it off among seeing nobody behind him and continued. When the Hunch Bunch darted over to a tree, Zak checked for the source of the noise and found nothing. But as he began walking off again, a little more nervously now, the burlap sack dropped on him from the tree!

"Aagh! Hey!" Zak cried out. "Boss, is that you again?! This is not a funny gag!" Then he felt the rope Crunch and Brunch were tying around his ankles. "Hey, what's going on?! Are you tying up my feet? Let me out of here!"

But the Hunch Bunch grabbed the bound and bagged Zak, stuffed him into the rear of the Bat Copter, and took off back to Transylvania. "At last!" Brunch exclaimed. "The master shall have his new werewolf!"

***

A while later, back at Count Dracula's castle, the Hunch Bunch were showing the bound and sacked Zak Wolf to Dracula and the other monsters, including Wolfgong, the Frankenstein Monster and his bride Repulsa, the two witch sisters, the Mummy, Mr. Bonejangles the skeleton, the Swamp Thing, Dr. Jackyll, the Dragonfly (a half-dragon half-insect creature), and a gorgeous female vampire with long black hair, Wanna Pira.

"Ah! At last I have my werewolf!" Dracula said. "Crunch, Brunch, you may release our guest."

"Bleah! Blyes, master!" Crunch slobbered, and he used one of his long fingernails to cut the ropes around Zak's ankles. Then Brunch lifted the burlap sack off of Zak's body and tossed it aside.

Zak took a few deep breaths and shook himself off, glad to be out of the sack, but then he gasped when he saw all the other monsters, including the Hunch Bunch, laughing dementedly at him.

"What?!" Zak cried out, audibly concerned. "W-where am I? What happened to me?! It feels like I'm in a horror movie or something... wait, maybe I was suddenly hired to act in a spooky amusement park, and all of these others are other park employees in very convincing costumes!"

"Quiet!" Dracula insisted, not amused. "This is not an amusement park!" He cleared his throat and calmly introduced himself. "I bid you welcome. Permit me to introduce myself. I am Count Dracula."

"Ohh, like the guy that teaches numbers on 'Sesame Street?'" Zak asked.

"No, I am NOTHING like that Count!" Dracula insisted. "I have brought you to Transylvania to drive the Werewolf Car in the Monster Road Race. Uh, you CAN drive, can you?"

"Of course," Zak said, pulling his wallet out of his pocket and showing his drivers' license. "I got my license four years ago."

"Ahh, Zak Wolf," Dracula said as he read the name on the license card. "You see, our last werewolf escaped and turned back into a human, and the werewolf before that retired, so YOU are our new werewolf!"

"But I'm not a werewolf!" Zak insisted.

"Of course you are!" Dracula pointed out. "Look at how you're bipedal, and those big furry clawed feet, the big fangs, the tail, and the classic torn shirt! That makes you a werewolf!"

"No... I'm just a wolf!" Zak tried to explain.

"Get real!" Frankenstein said. "A wolf that walks on two legs, talks and wears clothes? Sounds like a werewolf to me!"

Zak growled a bit.

"Yes, yes, that's good!" Dracula exclaimed. "And now that all the monsters are here, I can have Vanna Pira announce all the wonderful prizes!"

"Wonderful prizes?" Zak asked as he raised one of his white fuzzy eyebrows.

"That's right!" Vanna Pira said, pulling open a curtain to reveal a spooky old-fashioned book with a monstrous face on the cover. "Just for entering the Monster Road Rally, all of our monster contestants will receive their very own copy of the Necronomicon!"

"Ooooooh!" all the other monsters reacted in awe.

"That's right!" Vanna continued. "It's made of human skin and written in blood, and it has the power to raise the dead and summon demons. And that's only the beginning!"

Zak Wolf shuddered at the idea of receiving such a grimoire.

Vanna continued, preparing to open another curtain, "Our second-place driver in the race will receive, as a consolation prize, a two-week vacation in Hawaii!" She opened the curtain to reveal a slideshow of photos of Hawaii's most popular sights.

"Aaaaugh, booooooo!" most of the monsters jeered.

"Phooey!" Frankenstein agreed.

"Who wants that?!" the small witch sister asked.

"Ooooh, I might!" Zak Wolf said, actually impressed.

"But," Vanna added, preparing to open yet another curtain, "our road race winner will receive, all expenses paid, an entire month in..." She opened the curtain to reveal nothing but blackness, as the sound of a woman screaming was heard. "The Black Hole of Calcutta!"

Zak Wolf made an uncertain noise as he tugged on his shirt collar. But the other monsters were all excited for it.

"Oh, wow!" Bonejangles said.

"That's mine!" the small witch exclaimed.

"If I win, you can have it," Zak told the witch.

"No, I want it!" Frankenstein cried out.

"No, me!" the Mummy said.

"No, me!" the Dragonfly added.

"SILENCE!" Dracula yelled to the monsters. "Vanna Pira's not finished yet."

"And of course," Vanna continued as she grasped the rope for yet another curtain, "the winner will receive the biggest honor of all: the 'Monster of the Year' trophy!" She opened the curtain to reveal a shiny golden trophy shaped like a skull and crossbones, surrounded by cobwebs.

The other monsters all began cheering, and Zak Wolf chuckled and said, "Heh, that trophy might even scare those boars back at home!"

"So, Zak," Dracula said as he put his right arm around the wolf's neck, "do you still want to race?"

"Well, I don't know," Zak said uncertainly. "Even though I can drive, I'm not really a racer."

"So what?" Dracula asked. "All of the monsters here only get to race once a year anyways!"

"Hmmm," Zak thought, rubbing his white chin scruff.

"You know," Dracula told him, "if you race in the Monster Road Rally and win, I will send you back to where you came from."

"Really?" Zak said as he perked up.

"And I'll even take the Black Hole vacation for you, since you don't seem to want it," Dracula added as he was crossing his fangs, to which Zak did not notice. "But if you lose," Zak warned, "then you will stay here for the rest of your life! Or until next year's race."

Zak Wolf gulped. "OK, I'll do it."

"Perfect!" Dracula exclaimed as he excitedly rubbed his hands. "We'll be having the pre-race party in a little while."

"Party?!" Zak said as his ears perked up.

"Yes," Dracula answered, "with dancing, and delicious food!"

Zak Wolf licked his chops. "This could be fun after all! And I could use a break from Bass, Bongo and Boss anyways!"

"Who are those?" Dracula asked suspiciously.

"Uhh, just three villagers that often try to get me," Zak lied.

"Oh, and another thing," Dracula told the wolf. "I need your phone until the race is over. No contacting anyone for help!"

Zak Wolf let out a heavy sigh, pulled his Smartphone out of his pocket and powered it down. "Just make sure nothing bad happens to it," he told Dracula.

"Don't worry," Dracula assured the wolf. "I will keep it with the other monsters' phones and electronics, and make sure they're all charged. Standard Monster Road Race rules. If you win, before I send you on your way, I'll give it back to you." He crossed his fangs as he turned his head away from Zak.

***

Some time later, the pre-race party was underway. Zak Wolf was having fun dancing to the funky rock music alongside the other monsters. "Heh, for a group of monsters, they've got good taste in music," Zak chuckled to himself. Then he noticed the refreshment table. "Ahh, and snacks as well! Let's see what they've got..."

Zak danced over to the refreshment table and saw a plate of burgers. He picked one up in his right paw and licked his chops. But then the sides of the patty sprouted bat wings and it started flying around.

"Hey! What IS this?!" Zak exclaimed.

Another bat, Count Dracula in his bat form (basically his head on a bat's body), flew up to Zak, changed into his vampiric form, and explained, "Ah, why those are bat burgers, Zak!"

"Bat burgers? Yuck!" Zak groaned as he stuck out his tongue.

"Hmm," Dracula said as he watched the bat burger fly away. "I guess some of the bats were a little undercooked again. Ah, never mind. If you don't want bat burgers, we have many other delightful delicacies! We've got frog fudge!" He held up a plate with yellow speckled pieces of fudge.

Zak shuddered in disgust at the sight.

"No? Well, we've got spider web spaghetti!" Dracula continued as he held up a plate loaded with spider web strands, with little red spiders crawling around the webbing.

"Spider webs?!" Zak asked. "Ewwww!"

"And we've also got plasma pizza," Dracula added, "and wart pudding, and finger sandwiches made with REAL fingers!"

Zak made a sick noise as he quickly put his right paw to his mouth. "Sorry, I think I puked a little in my mouth," Zak explained.

"Well, if you have to," Dracula said, "then do it in the bowl of puke punch!"

"BLECH!!!" Zak exclaimed loudly. "I just lost my appetite!"

"That's OK," Dracula said. "You can still enjoy the music!"

As he said that, the rock song that was already playing ended. A monster arm came out of an opening in the turntable, switched records, and put the tonearm on the platter as a 1950s-styled rock song began...

"Party time for ghosts and spooks
Vampires, witches, ghostly kooks
That whole gang all go gadzooks
Doin' the Werewolf Rock!
Hey! Mr. Jangles rocks all night
Falls apart about daylight
Frankenstein , he's dynamite
Doin' the Werewolf Rock!
Woo! Rock! If your back can do it
Rock! Zak Wolf can do it
Come on Zak, let's rock
Rock, rock, rock, rock!
Aahwooo!
Everybody's rowdy rocking
Wearin' out their Sunday stockings
Doin' the Werewolf Rock...
Doin' the Werewolf Rock!
Ha, that's right!"

Zak Wolf was having fun dancing to this type of song. He even let the Witch sisters dance with him for a bit!

"Hey, you're cute!" the small Witch sister said as she danced with Zak.

"Hands off, he's mine!" the big Witch sister said as she snatched Zak away and started dancing with him.

Soon the song concluded...
"Everybody's rowdy rocking
Wearin' out their Sunday stockings
Doin' the Werewolf Rock...
Doin' the Werewolf Rock!
Hey, yeah!"

Zak panted a bit and wiped his forehead. Dracula noticed and said, "Ahh, you must be tired from your journey and from partying." He snapped his fingers and called, "Hunch Bunch!"

"Yes, sire?" Brunch asked as he and Crunch came up.

"My guest wishes to freshen up. Take him to the ghastly room!"

"Bleah!" Crunch said as he laughed.

Zak Wolf gulped. He didn't like the sound of the room's name.

Fortunately, it was just a well-furnished guest room in a high tower in the castle. Furnished in a goth-looking style, but it was good enough for Zak.

***

The next morning, a big green monstrous rooster crowed outside of Zak Wolf's room in Dracula's castle, startling him awake.

"Aah! I'm up! I'm up!" Zak quickly said as he sprung up in bed.

And then Count Dracula materialized in front of Zak's bed in a puff of red smoke. "The sun is up!" he told Zak. "Rise and shiny!"

"Hey, wait a minute!" Zak realized. "It's daytime. How come you're not catching on fire or anything?"

"That's right, but not anymore," Dracula explained, holding up a bottle of sunscreen. "You ever hear of sunblock? Now, how about some breakfast?"

Zak's stomach rumbled among hearing that, and he said, "Yeah, but I don't want anything like that disgusting crud you had at that party. Yuck!"

"Disgusting crud?" Dracula asked with a chuckle. "Oh no, you can have anything you want, except for, ugh, angel food cake, that is!"

Zak chuckled among hearing that. "Ha! I get it!"

"All you have to do is call tomb service," Dracula explained as he showed Zak the telephone in the guest room. "When you are finished, I will show you the course you are going to race, Zak Wolf. Ciao!" He handed Zak the phone receiver, held his cape over his face and disappeared.

Zak dialed for tomb service and said, "Hello? Yeah, do you have pancakes and bacon and sausage and toast? You do? What kind of pancakes? I guess I'll take banana pancakes with maple syrup, and I'll have jam for the toast, and do you have iced mocha coffee? You do? Sure, I'll have some with milk, please. You get all that? Great! Thanks! Bye!" He hung up.

After what only felt like a couple of minutes, Crunch and Brunch entered the guest room with a serving cart loaded with Zak's breakfast. "Bleah, tomb service!" Crunch lisped.

"Great! Thanks!" Zak said as he grabbed a knife and fork and started to dig in. "Mmm, now this is more like it! I sure needed a good meal!"

"Ah yes," Brunch said. "And to think it's all fashioned from a special kind of beans!"

"Beans, huh?" Zak asked. "Whatever they are, they sure do... AAAAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He suddenly found himself howling. "Hey, I didn't just howl for no reason, did I?"

"Why, of course you did," Brunch explained. "They're scream beans! They grow wild in our torture chamber!"

"Scream beans?!" Zak exclaimed, suddenly followed by a couple more howls.

Brunch held up a couple of fingers. "Ahh, nothing like perfectly-tuned scream bean meals!"

***

Regardless, Zak still enjoyed his hearty breakfast, and a while later, Count Dracula was showing him a map of the Transylvania Grand Prix, the course for the Monster Road Rally. The Hunch Bunch had also accompanied them.

"Now, here is the race course you will be driving," Dracula began. "It starts here at the castle, then goes to Monster Morass, then to Dragon Breath Tunnel, through the Sand Slime straightaway, up Horrible Hill, over the Transylvania Railroad tracks, then down Snaky Strip, and back here where you start."

"Oooh, that sounds a little tricky," Zak said.

"Yes," Dracula answered, "but I have confidence you'll be able to handle it, Zak!" He let out a suspiciously sinister-sounding chuckle, and Crunch and Brunch snickered as well.

"Well, how's about I just go for a stroll along the course?" Zak asked. "I could use the exercise."

"Hmmm," Dracula thought. "Well, yes, go ahead. You'll be on foot anyways."

"Thanks!" Zak said. "I like to familiarize myself with an area a bit." He headed towards an exit.

"I say, sire, was that wise?" Brunch asked. "He might try to escape!"

"He won't," Dracula assured the Hunch Bunch. "Not if Zak wants me to send him back to where he came from. Ugh! Besides, this is a wonderful chance for some good scary fun! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" And then lightning flashed outside the castle with a clap of thunder.

"Hmm," Zak said as he was still somewhat in earshot of Dracula. "It looks like rain. I think I'd better wait until this storm eases up."

"And you wonder why people compare you to that 'Sesame Street' Muppet," Brunch said as he folded his arms.

"Shut up!" Dracula insisted, not amused.

***

So, a while after Zak Wolf heard no more thunder, he went out to walk around the Transylvania Grand Prix. As he did, he noticed some vultures and ravens flying around making their bird calls. He also saw a gravedigger at work, and bats sleeping in tree branches. These didn't bother Zak too much.

But what Zak was unaware of was of the tricks Count Dracula had up his sleeve. He spoke into his walkie-talkie, "Calling Brunch!"

"Yes, sire?" Brunch asked into his walkie-talkie as he and Crunch stood behind a rock with a skull-shaped lever in its' side.

"Zak Wolf is approaching Monster Morass," Dracula reported as he peered into his telescope. You know what to do!"

"Are you sure?" Brunch asked. "You DID want a werewolf for your race, and he's just strolling the track on foot."

"JUST DO IT!!!" Dracula insisted.

"Y-y-yes, sire," Brunch nervously said. He then turned to Crunch and instructed, "Stand by, old boy."

Crunch let out a slobbering laugh.

Monster Morass was a pretty swampy area, with crocodiles lurking in the water. Zak Wolf looked at them and said, "Gee, why am I not surprised there are crocodiles here?" He started crossing a wooden bridge.

Over at the lever, Brunch told his partner in crime, "Now!"

Crunch pulled the lever, revealing the wooden bridge was actually a drawbridge that began to rise. Zak suddenly stumbled and he gripped onto the edge of the open end of the bridge. Then he carefully climbed back down.

"Phew," Zak said. "That was a close call! I'll have to find another way across."

Fortunately, the wolf noticed a partly-barren tree with some thick vines. "Hmm, if I can climb up that tree and grasp the vine and swing on it quickly enough..."

And that's just what Zak did. He grabbed the vine from the branch he partly climbed onto, and swung around a bit before getting close enough to the other side of the ledge to safely jump. Then the wolf was back on his way.

Count Dracula was not amused. "Bah!" he exclaimed, turning on the walkie-talkie. "Did you see what that werewolf just did, Hunch Bunch?!"

"Calm yourself, sire," Brunch assured Dracula over the walkie-talkie. "We'll make things exceedingly hot for him in Dragon Breath Tunnel!

Sure enough, Zak Wolf came up to the flame-filled tunnel, its' entrance shaped like a dragon's head. "Geez, that looks dangerous," Zak said to himself. He walked closer and watched the infernos burning on both sides. "It's also too hot. I'll dry up before I can walk out!"

But Zak did not see the Hunch Bunch hidden behind some more rocks and another skull-shaped lever. Over Brunch's walkie-talkie, Dracula said, "He's about to enter the tunnel. Set off the hot flashes now!"

Crunch let out another raspy lisping laugh and gave the lever a yank, making the fire inside the tunnel more intense. A flash of flames emerged from the tunnel right towards Zak Wolf, making him jump up and catch onto the top of the tunnel. "Hmm," Zak said. "I guess it's a bit safer to walk on top of the tunnel. And if I come across an obstacle, I'll just slide off and go around."

So he did. The Hunch Bunch were again not amused by Zak's new plan. Brunch said into his walkie-talkie, "Uh, I kind of told you this wouldn't really work, sire."

Shortly after that, Dracula had Brunch chained into an iron chair as Crunch watched in fear and Dracula was looking into his telescope. "But, ow! Sire..." Brunch started.

"Pipe down!" Dracula insisted. "Hmmm, what can I do to scare some sense into that Zak Werewolf? Ah, I have it! I'll raise the dead on him!" The vampire cleared his throat, started waving his hands and began to chant, "Cullen, Rayburn, Narz, Trebek! Zabar, Kresge, Caldor, Walmart!"

Sure enough, zombies began to emerge out of the graves in the cemetery Zak Wolf was walking past. He saw the undead ghouls advance towards him and let out an "Ulp!"

Dracula laughed, seeing what he had done. "I go batty over stuff like this!" And to prove his point, he turned into a bat.

"Get out of my way, zombies," Zak ordered the zombies, "or I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow you all away!"

"Drats," Dracula softly cursed to himself as he flew over to try and save the zombies.

And so Zak huffed and puffed a couple times, and he began to blow strongly at the zombies, sending them flying in different directions. The wolf even started running a bit, knocking the zombies over with his powerful wolf breath. He even managed to blow Dracula right into a tree without realizing it!

Zak Wolf made it to the finish line and stopped, panting a bit. "Phew, I made it! That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

Over at the tree Dracula was blown into, the vampire bat groaned, "I haven't seen a werewolf with strong huff-and-puff breath since that wacky teenage werewolf who hung out with Drac Junior!"

***

After that, Zak Wolf spent the rest of the day getting to know the other monsters. They were definitely wackier and more senseless than Zak was.

After watching the Witch sisters get into a fight, Zak Wolf commented, "Sheesh! Why do I get the feeling this feels like an old Saturday morning cartoon or something?"

Later that evening, Count Dracula was still talking with the Hunch Bunch. "Hmm, I'm worried," the vampire said. "How can I make absolutely sure that comical werewolf will lose the race?" He went over to his monitor console and flipped a switch, showing the view of the guest room, where Zak Wolf was yawning while sitting in bed and yawning.

"Oh boy, am I sleepy," Zak said to himself. "I'm gonna need every ounce of energy to win that race tomorrow. I hope I get a good night's sleep..."

Dracula grinned evilly as he got an idea. "Aha, that's it! I'll get the Hunch Bunch to keep Zak awake! What a wonderful, nasty idea!" He turned behind him and called in a sing-song voice, "Oh, Crunchy and Brunchy! I got a job for you!" His fangs grew larger as he said that.

"Y-yes, your evil lord?" Brunch asked.

"I want you two to make sure Zak doesn't get a good night's sleep!" Dracula commanded.

"But, sire..." Brunch started to say.

"No buts!" Dracula interrupted. "You will do as I say, or I'll stuff your humps and make you both into matching footrests! Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for me to feed..." And with that, Dracula turned into a bat once again and flew out a nearby window as he cackled evilly.

Crunch lisped to his partner, "Blhat blere you going to thhay?"

"Last year we tried such a thing with that Shaggy werewolf," Brunch explained, "it didn't work. What's the use? We'll think up wonderful schemes to get Zak to lose tomorrow during the race. Come, Crunch. Let's have a nice spot of tea and some fresh crumpets while the master is out."

"Bloh boy! Crumpets!" Crunch explained as he followed Brunch to the parlor.

***

The next morning in the ghastly room, Zak Wolf awoke to the monster rooster, but this time he wasn't startled too much. He yawned and stretched. Then he heard a knock at the door. "Come in!" Zak called as he picked up his usual floppy brown hat.

The door opened as Crunch and Brunch entered, holding a blue racing suit and helmet. "Bbrise and thhhine!" Crunch lisped.

"It's race day, Zak old top!" Brunch announced. "Here are your racing colors. We expect you at the starting line forthwith." As he spoke, he and Crunch slipped and zipped Zak into his blue outfit and plopped the helmet over his head.

"Hey, I can't hear very well with this darn helmet on," Zak complained.

"No problem, bloke," Brunch said, tugging the helmet off Zak's head. "Crunch, if you will."

"Blithh pleasure!" Crunch sputtered as he used a sharp fingernail to cut earholes in the helmet. Then Brunch slipped the helmet back onto the wolf's head, his ears poking out neatly.

"Ahh, that's much better," Zak said. "Thanks!"

"Anytime, old chap," Brunch said as he bowed. "Well, tally-ho!"

"Blyeah," Crunch agreed. "Thhally-ho!" He and Brunch ran off.

Zak Wold gulped. "Well, I might as well get a drink of water on my way to the race track. It's now or never!" He left the guest room.

***

A little while later, it was thundering and lightning outside as a trumpet fanfare played. The Monster Road Rally was getting ready to start, with Wolfgong operating a KRUD-TV camera and aiming it at Count Dracula and Vanna Pira from their wooden broadcast booth outside the start/finish line. "It's a picture postcard day for the Great Annual Transylvanian Monster Road Rally!" Dracula began as he spoke into a microphone. "Plenty of lightning and fog! In just a little while, all the creepy creatures of my realm will be racing for the coveted 'Monster of the Year' Trophy."

As more thunder rumbled and a creepy organ chord played, Vanna added, "That's right, Dracky, and I'll be here to do all the color commentary! Like 'There's some brown, and there's some gray, and there's some green!'"

Dracula spread his cape and blocked Vanna Pira with it, continuing, "The peasants are pouring in by the thousands, and are they excited! Just listened to that crowd!"

Indeed, there was a large crowd of local peasants. But they all just flatly said "Yay..." in unison.

Elsewhere, in the castle's garage, Zak Wolf was sitting in the Werewolf Wagon, a yellow car resembling a VW beetle with orange flame markings, bulls' horns on top and a pair of large exhaust stacks. He was looking through the operators' manual on how to use the car's features. "Wow," Zak said as he read the manual. "Turbo boost, a jet engine, a helicopter tail, an underbelly spring, oversized teeth in the hood... feels like something I'd expect in a cartoon! I'm already liking this car even more! But I'd better make sure it starts..." So he turned the key in the ignition, and after the engine turned over a couple of times the car roared to life. "Ha-ha! Here we go!" Zak exclaimed as he drove the Werewolf Wagon out of the garage.

Back at the broadcast booth, Count Dracula said into the microphone and TV camera, "Attention, ladies and gentle-monsters! The 754th Annual Monster Car Rally is about to begin!"

"Yay..." the crowd of peasants flatly exclaimed.

"The cars are approaching the starting line, so let's introduce the racers!" Dracula announced. As each monster and his/her respective car drove past, Dracula called each one out. "First is Frankenstein and Repulsa in their Freaky Frankenwagon! Next, Swamp Thing in the Slime Speedster. Maneuvering for position is the Witch sisters in Cauldron Coupe! Right behind is Mr. Bonejangles and his Bone Bomber. And here comes the Mummy, in his Mummymobile! And here is Dr. Jackyll and Mr. Snyde in the Split-Personality Special! And there's the Dragonfly in his Dragon Dragster! And last, but not least, Zak Werewolf in the Werewolf Wagon."

"Wow," Zak said to himself as he drove behind the other racers. "This is starting to feel like the opening to 'Wacky Races!'"

"Hold everything, folks!" Dracula said into his microphone. "We have a late entry... the Gruesome Twosome, Big and Little Gruesome, in the Creepy Coupe!" Sure enough, the Gruesome Twosome, directly from the Wacky Races, drove up behind Zak's Wolf Wagon in their vehicle, looking like an antique Model-T with the engine exposed and two old-fashioned candle lamps for the headlights, a belfry on top of the vehicle that a dragon's head was poking out of, and a thunderstorm cloud raining over the car.

Zak Wolf took one glance behind him and rolled his eyes. "Me and my big mouth," he groaned.

"It's so nice to be in the old country again," Big Gruesome said with a chuckle.

"Yes," Little Gruesome agreed. "We're positively sure we can win this race, as we have lots more experience than all those other monsters!"

"Yeah," Big Gruesome said. "I don't know why Dracula wouldn't let us enter previous races, claiming we're too 'wacky.' The other monsters are just as wacky as us!"

"Not sure about that new werewolf, though," Little Gruesome pointed out.

Back at the broadcast booth, Count Dracula announced to the spectators and TV audience, "OK, racing fans, it looks like we're finally ready to begin! Ready... get set... GO!"

And with that, Vanna Pira fired a revolving pistol into the air to use as a starting gun, and with a roar of engines and squealing of tires, all the cars were off! Zak Wolf got off to a good start as well, despite starting out dead last, even if the Creepy Coupe was positioned behind him.

***

The Hunch Bunch was flying over the road in their Bat Copter, recording a bird's eye view of the race with a handheld TV camera.

"Well, fans," Count Dracula commented, "the race is underway. The field is tightly packed as the monsters jockey for position!" He chuckled and added, "And the Werewolf Wagon is trailing close behind! How will he catch up?"

The peasants in the crowd all groaned, "Yay..."

"Hmm," Zak thought out loud, "what I need is a good tailwind!" And he pulled the lever that caused a pole with a fox-like tail to come out of the back of the car. The tail began spinning really fast like a helicopter rotor blade, lifting the Werewolf Car off the ground. This allowed Zak to end up ahead of all the other racers!

Dracula watched from the TV monitor at the broadcast booth. "Oh, no!" he moaned.

"Oh my!" Vanna Pira fawned. "I've seen cars with tail fins, but tail SPINS? How cute!" She then began to sing, "Spin it! Oh-ee-yeah, Tail Spin! Oh-ee-yoh, Tail Spin!"

"SHUT UP!" Dracula yelled at Vanna. "You want us to get sued by Disney?! Besides, Zak's now out in the lead!"

***

Up in the sky, the Hunch Bunch was watching the race from their Bat Copter. "Blehy, blook!" Crunch sputtered. "Thhhhak is ahead!"

"Oh, dear me," Brunch said. "We'd better stop that werewolf fast, or the master will cut off our heads, old boy!"

They flew ahead of Zak and the other cars, landed the Copter near the road and set up an ACME catapult with a big boulder. "OK..." Brunch instructed Crunch. "Now!"

But as the Werewolf Wagon drove past, Crunch pulled the rope trigger and the catapult fling the boulder right onto Brunch's head! Zak saw what happened and said, "They needed to do a better job with positioning that catapult."

A short while later, Crunch and Brunch were positioned with a bazooka behind some rocks, watching for Zak and his car to approach. "Here he comes now!" Brunch signaled.

"Bleah, now!" Crunch agreed.

But when he pulled the trigger, the bazooka just backfired on Brunch, covering him in dust and causing the arrow intended to hit Zak to land a couple of feet away from the Bunch.

After that, the Hunch Bunch flew ahead of Zak again in their Bat Copter and landed behind a rocky hill, now armed with a bow and arrow that had a lit stick of dynamite tied to the arrow! Crunch tried releasing the arrow once the Werewolf Wagon was passing them, but the string broke and the dynamite just exploded in front of the Hunch Bunch!

Seeing what happened, Zak Wolf briefly stopped the Werewolf Car, backed up to where Crunch and Brunch were, stuck out his tongue at them and said "Beep beep!" and then drove off, still ahead of the other races.

"Oh, rot and bother," Brunch cursed. "That Zak has apparently also watched the same cartoons we have!"

***

A little later, the other monster racers were giving it their best at trying to win the race. They were resorting to wacky trickery, such as Mr. Snyde squirting slime at the the Freaky Frankenwagon, the Mummy throwing banana peels behind him so other cars would slip, Mr. Bonejangles firing a bone machine gun at the Witch sisters' Cauldron Coupe, and the Gruesome Twosome having their dragon curl the Creepy Coupe up in a wheel to roll faster.

"Hi there, fast-car fans," Vanna Pira commented as all of this was happening. "Vanna Pira here, pinch-hitting for Dracula! Everybody's really giving it all the've got to win that 'Monster of the Year' Trophy! And can they drive! I mean, talk about skill! Just look at those clever moves. Why, it's just poetry in motion! But I don't think it's going to make any difference how good the monsters drive, because that new werewolf Zak is way out in front!"

"Oyyyy!" Count Dracula groaned as he stood next to Vanna. "I'll fix that!"

And with that, Dracula materialized himself onto the hood of the Dragon Dragster. "What's the matter with all of you?!" he shouted to the racers. "How can you let that werewolf make monster monkeys out of you?! Put those pedals to the metal!" And disappeared right before the Dragonfly put on the gas and they all began to accelerate.

Zak Wolf could see this in the Werewolf Wagon's rearview mirror. "Curses! They're gaining on me!" he exclaimed. But then as if that weren't enough, he could see a railroad crossing up ahead, with its' ghoulish-looking crossing signal starting to flash as a train's whistle blew in the distance. "Oh great, there's a train coming!" Zak said. "I'd better stop!" And he slammed on the brakes and came to a stop right in front of the tracks, looked out the window and saw the train approaching fairly quickly, hauled by an old but fast steam locomotive. The ax-like crossing gate had not lowered yet.

All the other cars screeched to a halt behind Zak Wolf and began honking their horns and yelling out. "Hey, what's the holdup!" "Go on ahead!" "You can beat that train! It's not moving that fast!" "Come on, this is a race!"

Zak Wolf turned out the window to face them and firmly said, "NO. I always stop at railroad crossings when the lights are flashing!"

The Dragonfly was stopped right behind Zak. He let out an evil hiss, stepped on the gas and pushed the Werewolf Car up ahead. Fortunately, Zak and his car managed to roll right across the tracks! Unfortunately, the Dragon Dragster stopped ON the tracks, and the engine was struggling to go!

"Oh, what a drag!" the Dragonfly buzzed as the crossing gate lowered behind him.

Zak watched from behind as the speeding train hit the Dragon Dragster and pushed it along the tracks. The wolf just tsked-tsked and said, "We have too many idiots at railroad crossings..." Then he continued driving off on the other side of the crossing.

***

But way back in the USA, the boar brothers Bass, Bongo and Boss were flipping through TV channels while in their brick house.

"Why is there rarely anything good on regular TV these days?" Bass moaned as he kept changing the channel.

"Do you HAVE to keep changing the channel every three seconds?" Boss complained.

But then they tuned right to KRUD-TV, the network that was broadcasting the Monster Road Rally!

"Hi, monster racing fans," Vanna Pira was saying on the TV, "Vanna Pira pinch-hitting for Dracula again! And the race is really heating up! Frankenstein and Repulsa are closing in on Zak in the Werewolf Car!"

Sure enough, the TV screen showed Zak Wolf driving the Werewolf Wagon. All three boars widened their eyes and dropped open their jaws among seeing this. They gaped for a few seconds, and all began laughing uproariously!

"Boy, Boss," Bongo said between guffaws, "this prank is turning out much better than we thought it would!"

"Heh, yeah!" Boss agreed. "Somehow Zak ended up driving in a monster road race in Transylvania!"

"Yeah," Bass added, "and we finally found something worth watching, too!"

***

Back in Transylvania, Repulsa groaned to her husband behind the wheel, "That werewolf is pulling away from us! We'll never catch up now, and it's all your fault!"

"Don't worry, my dear," Frankenstein assured Repulsa. "We'll stop the Werewolf Car cold with the aid of my Lightning Bolt!" He pressed a button and out of the Freaky Frankenwagon's hood came a large metal bolt. A streak of lightning shot out of the bolt and hit the Werewolf Wagon with a crack of thunder, causing the car to jump but keep on rolling.

Repulsa laughed wildly. "Now we're cooking, honey! Come on, zap him good!"

"I'll turn up the power, Frankenstein said as he began shooting more lightning bolts at the Werewolf Wagon, completely frying a couple of trees in the process. Soon they were driving down a hill.

"Come on, Frankie, shoot the works!" Repulsa cackled gleefully.

"I can't miss!" Frankie claimed. But he did; Zak drove right across a wooden bridge just before the lightning obliterated it. Among seeing the scorched bridge crumble, Frankenstein skidded to a halt, with their Freaky Frankenwagon teetering over the edge.

"Can't miss, huh? Phooey!" Repulsa angrily said, clonking Frankenstein on the head. This caused the car to plunge off the edge into the muddy swamp below.

***

Zak Wolf felt much more confident as he continued driving. "Ha, I'm still out in front! And two of the cars are out of the race! And the bridge is out, too! Things are getting better!"

But then right after he said that, the Creepy Coupe flew right over the Werewolf Wagon, thanks to the dragon's wings, and landed in front of them.

"Hey, what gives?!" Zak cried out.

Little Gruesome turned to face Zak and said, "Never underestimate our Dragon Power!"

And then the other vehicles drove by, even the Dragon Dragster and the Frankenwagon. "And how'd you guys all catch up with that bridge out?!" Zak yelled as he banged his fist above the dashboard.

"Easy, man," Mr. Bonejangles cooly said as he drove his Bone Bomber alongside the Wolf Wagon. "We took a shortcut, you dig?"

"But isn't that cheating?" Zak pointed out.

"Ha, you've got a lot to learn!" Mr. Bonejangles taunted. "In this race, anything goes!"

"Oh, right," Zak Wolf sarcastically said, "because I'm in an episode of 'Wacky Races!' Well then, if anything goes, then here I go!" And he activated the spring on the underbelly of the Werewolf Wagon, causing it to bounce far ahead of the others.

But the Mummy pulled a lever in his car, triggering a long strand of tissue to come out of an opening in the Mummymobile and start wrapping around the Werewolf Car. But Zak decided to activate the jet engine, coming out of the car's trunk and blasting the vehicle way ahead, so far ahead it unraveled the Mummymobile into pieces and left the Mummy skidding to a halt.

But then the Cauldron Coupe caught up to the Werewolf Wagon. "Out of our way, small fry!" the big Witch sister called.

"Hey! Who are you calling 'small fry'?!" Zak shouted to the witches.

"You!" the small Witch sister said, waving her magic wand and using it to shrink the Werewolf Wagon to a much smaller size. Then all the other racers drove past.

Count Dracula saw this from the broadcast booth. He said into the microphone, "Well, well, it's a real race once again! As the Werewolf Car has shrunk from the battle, the race is really getting exciting!"

"Yay..." the peasants all flatly said, to which Dracula materialized in front of them.

"I can't hear you!" Dracula told the peasants.

"Yay..." the peasants repeated in a lackluster manner.

"The next time I want to be alone, I'll call you guys!" Dracula said to the peasants.

Meanwhile, the minuscule Zak Wolf pulled his Werewolf Wagon over to the side and got out of the car. "Well, I know how to handle this," he said as he took a deep breath, stuck his gloved thumb into his mouth and started to blow. As he did, he began to inflate and enlarge. In no time, he grew back to his normal size. Then he picked up the toy-sized Werewolf Wagon, huffed and puffed, and began to blow into one of the exhaust stacks. Amazingly, he was able to inflate the car back to its' normal size. The wolf chuckled, "Ah, an advantage of being a 'toon wolf!" He got back into the car, started it up, and was on his way again.

***

After a bit, Zak Wolf was out in the lead again, as Vanna Pira took the microphone for commentary. "Hi, horrible hot-rod fans! Vanna Pira here, subbing for Dracky! All the monster cars are back in the race again, but Zak Werewolf is so out in front, it'd take something pretty weird to catch him!"

Zak Wolf was sipping an iced coffee as he was confidently driving ahead of the other racers. But then he heard a European-sounding siren from behind. It was Count Dracula driving a bat-winged police motorcycle and wearing a police officer's helmet.

"Transylvania Highway Patrol! Pull that thing over for inspection!" Dracula ordered.

Zak let out a groan. "There's something awfully familiar about that cop..." He pulled over, and Dracula caught up. But as soon as he walked up to the car, Zak began, "What's the problem, office- HEY! You're just Dracula wearing a police motorcycle helmet!"

"What?!" Dracula asked, sounding pretty surprised.

"Yeah!" Zak said. "That disguise can't fool me! So long, you bloodsucking beast!" And with that, the wolf gave it the gas and drove off.

"Ooooh!" Dracula groaned as he angrily hopped up and down and threw off the police helmet. Then he materialized back over to the broadcast booth, where the Hunch Bunch were already standing.

"I say, sire," Brunch pointed out, "the lad seems to be much smarter than we thought. Others have fallen for your highway patrolman disguise in the past."

"Ohhh, one of these days, Hunch Bunch! One of these days!" Dracula warned, forming a fist.

"Dracky, we're still live," Vanna Pira warned.

Dracula came to his senses and grinned and waved at the camera. "Oh, hi again, racing fans! The tension is mounting as the race for the 'Monster of the Year' trophy is growing more exciting by the minute!"

But even with that, the peasants watching the race were all fast asleep, standing up, no less!

***

Some time after that, Zak Wolf was still driving the Werewolf Wagon in the race, well into the final quarter. At first he was still way ahead, until the Gruesome Twosome in their Creepy Coupe caught up and started to pass!

"Hey!" Zak exclaimed. "I thought I was way ahead of all the others."

"We have years of experience in races like these," Little Gruesome said, giving a demented chuckle.

"And WE'RE gonna win!" Big Gruesome added.

"Not if I can help it!" Zak said, gunning it once more. But so did the Gruesome Twosome.

Back at the broadcast booth, Dracula was getting fed up. "All right!" he exclaimed. "That tears it! No more Mr. Nice Guy! I am going to unleash G.K.!"

"NO!" Brunch cried out, waving his arms. "Remember what happened last time? It was practically his fault no one else crossed the finish line but that Shaggy werewolf!"

"Ooooh, don't remind me," Dracula moaned. "But THIS werewolf doesn't have anyone to help him out, unlike that Shah-gee and his girlfriend and dumb dogs! But Zak has left me no choice!" And with that he disappeared, and reappeared outside Genghis Kong's chamber. He pulled the lever to open the wooden gate, cackling and calling out, "Come on out, Genghis Kong!"

As Zak Wolf managed to finally take the lead again from the Gruesome Twosome, he grinned and said, "Hey, I'm way out in front! I'm going to win! I'm going to win the Monster Road Rally! They'll treat me like Caitlyn Jenner! Parades! Flowers! Wow! And best of all, I'll get to go back home!"

But then he saw Genghis Kong, a giant orangutan with a Mongolian loincloth, hat and mustache, growling and beating his chest!

"Yipe!" Zak cried out as he slammed on the brakes in front of the enormous simian. But Genghis easily picked up the Werewolf Wagon and glared menacingly at the shivering werewolf. The Gruesome Twosome were able to easily drive their Creepy Coupe right between Genghis Kong's legs. But Zak was too scared of Genghis to notice.

"At last!" Count Dracula exclaimed. "Zak is out of the race for good! Now to the finish line to to flag the winning monster!" He whipped a checkered flag out of his cape and disappeared again.

"Nice wolfie!" Genghis said in his booming voice. He stuck a finger into the open driver window and began rubbing Zak's belly and sides. "Koochy-koochy-koo! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

Elsewhere, the other racers were getting close to where Genghis Kong was, and Vanna Pira was providing color commentary again. "Here they come, fans, down the home stretch! Looks like it's going to be a photo finish!"

Sure enough, over at the start/finish line, Dracula was posing for pictures with the racing flag while Brunch operated the camera and Crunch held a reflector. "OK, boss, hold it," Brunch said before snapping another picture. "Oh, marvelous!" he exclaimed. "The camera sure loves you!" He took another photo.

Vanna Pira continued commenting, "It's neck-and-neck, I mean wreck-and-wreck! But what's that?" She gasped. "It's Genghis Kong, and he's got Zak the Werewolf!"

Back over where Genghis Kong was standing, Zak started frantically checking the controls and functions of the Wolf Wagon, wondering how he could get out of this pickle. But then the wolf noticed the jet engine control and decided to activate it. The jet came out of the trunk of the vehicle and fired up, and sure enough the force of the jet engine was able to free the car from Genghis Kong's grip and push him backward! The Zak was able to land safely on the ground and shut off the jet, relying on the Werewolf Wagon's regular motor again.

"That worked!" Zak exclaimed. "Now to win the race!"

But then he saw that the finish line was up ahead, and so was the Creepy Coupe! Zak began to accelerate, hoping he could still win.

Alas, the Gruesome Twosome in their Creepy Coupe managed to come in first place, breaking through the red ribbon as Dracula waved the checkered flag and laughed triumphantly.

"And the Gruesome Twosome win the race!" Vanna Pira announced.

"Yaaaay! Zak didn't win!" Dracula exclaimed as he did a victory dance with his flag.

And right after saying that, Zak drove by in the Werewolf Wagon, to which Vanna Pira commented, "And Zak Werewolf comes in a close second! What an upset! I thought he was going to win!" Then all the other cars made it through the finish line.

Way over at the Boar brothers' home, they laughed at how Zak didn't win the race. "Looks like our gag is working even better than expected!" Bongo exclaimed.

Back in Transylvania, Zak Wolf stopped the Werewolf Car, pounded the top of the dashboard and cried out, "Oh, DAMN IT!"

"Yes," Dracula said teasingly as he walked up to the Wolf Wagon. "You will indeed be damned!" He snickered.

Over at the broadcast booth, Vanna Pira was handing the "Monster of the Year" trophy to the Gruesome Twosome. "Congratulations, Gruesome Twosome!" Vanna told them. You two are the Monsters of the Year!"

Big Gruesome wiped away a happy tear and said, "This is such an honor! Much better than previous races!"

"Yes," Little Gruesome agreed. "Wait until Dick Dastardly and the others hear about this!"

"That might have to wait," Vanna told them, "until after your month-long all-expenses-paid vacation to the Black Hole of Calcutta!"

"Oh boy!" the Gruesome Twosome exclaimed in unison.

As Zak Wolf slipped out of his racing uniform and helmet and put his regular floppy brown hat back on, Count Dracula laughed and sneered at him. "Well, Zak," he said, "you didn't win the race! And THAT means you have to stay here forever!"

"No! Please!" Zak begged. "I tried my best! I don't want to live here forever! I like it back in my neck of the woods!"

"I'm evil! Deal with it!" Dracula snarled.

"Oh Zakky," Vanna Pira said, "could you come up here, please?"

"Pardon me a moment," Zak told Dracula as he stepped up to the broadcast booth.

Vanna cleared her throat and announced, "Very well done, Zak! No one came in second last year, and so I am glad you were able to accomplish that! You drove a fantastic race, so you get this beautiful silver medal!" She displayed a silver medal with the outline of a bat embossed in it, hung it around Zak's neck, and kissed the Wolf on the cheek, causing him to blush and giggle goofily. "And that's not all," Vanna continued, "as your consolation prize, you've won a two-week trip to Hawaii!"

Zak's face lit up. "That's right!" he realized. "I can still get out of here, and enjoy a nice Hawaiian vacation in the process!"

Dracula confronted Vanna Pira and growled, "Ohh, shut up, you ditzy air-headed Vanna White wannabe! You're ruining everything!"

"But Dracky," Vanna explained, "you planned it!"

"So what?!" Dracula insisted. "I'll give you a POW! Right in the kisser!"

As that was going on, the Hunch Bunch came up to Zak Wolf with a sack full of electronic devices. "Here's your phone back, old bean," Brunch said as he felt through the sack. "Err, which one is your phone?"

"I think I know," Zak said. Sure enough he recognized his Smartphone and its' protective case, powered it on and put it in his pocket. "Thanks! I'm off to Hawaii!"

"Not so fast!" Dracula called out. "I made a deal with Zak, and a deal's a deal!"

"But you also made the deal with the prizes," Vanna explained. "And Zak Wolf has won the Hawaiian vacation, fair and square! The Transylvanian airport shuttle bus will be here in five minutes!"

"Thanks, Vanna!" Zak said with a grin as he started to run off.

"Hunch Bunch!" Dracula ordered Crunch and Brunch. "After that werewolf! Don't let him get away!"

"Right-o, sire!" Brunch said as he saluted and he and Crunch started to run after Zak.

But behind a tree, Zak was talking into his Smartphone. He softly said, "So you can get here in just a little bit before I leave? Great! Thanks! See ya." He hung up and slipped the phone back into his pocket just in time for the Hunch Bunch to grab him.

"What the master wants, he gets!" Brunch explained as they carried the wolf back to the castle.

"Bleeah! Blhat the blaster blhants, he gettth!" Crunch repeated in a sloppy manner.

Back at the castle, Zak was seated in a wooden chair as Dracula, the Hunch Bunch, and a few other monsters were facing him.

"But Dracky," Vanna Pira was protesting, "it's in the Monster Road Rally rules. He gets the prize!"

"Well, I'm changing the rules!" Dracula insisted. "Zak stays here as our permanent new werewolf!" But then a big church-like bell began tolling. "Ah, someone's at the door," he realized.

"Come on in, fellas!" Zak Wolf called out.

And sure enough, who should enter but some more monsters: another vampire that wore a blue tuxedo instead of gray and had pale white skin instead of green, another Frankenstein monster that had much taller legs and a taller forehead and skinnier limbs, a single red-haired witch that wore a completely different girly purple outfit with no hat and a purple flower in her hair, another mummy that was skinnier and more neatly-wrapped, and... a skinny werewolf with long orange hair and beard, a yellow T-shirt and purple sorts and beach sandals.

"Oh no!" Dracula moaned. "It's YOU guys! The Groovie Goolies of Horrible Hall!"

"Yes," the other vampire, Drac, said, in a voice that was very different from the green Dracula, so different he didn't even have a Transylvanian accent. "Your werewolf there called us over."

"Like, we saw the Monster Road Rally on TV, man," the orange werewolf, Wolfie, said in a surfer-hippie kind of voice, "and I was not that amused you had the werewolf drive a car named just like MY Wolf Wagon, awooo-wooo-WOOOOO!"

"Bah!" the green Dracula said. "You monsters are nowhere near the caliber of the monsters of MY realm! We actually scare and attack people, while YOU 'Goolies' just play pop songs and make horrible puns!"

"What a way to get us wrapped into this ordeal, don'cha know?" the Goolies' Mummy said in a voice that was a dead-ringer for Ed Wynn.

"See what I mean?!" the green Dracula angrily roared.

"But I heard YOU and the other monsters make a bunch of puns as well," Zak Wolf pointed out, "but at least I found some of them funny."

"YOU STAY OUT OF THIS!!!" Dracula yelled at Zak, "or it's to the moon with you!"

"I say, that's not a very nice way to treat your werewolf," the Goolies' Frankie said in a Boris Karloff-esque voice.

The other Frankenstein clenched his fists and said, "Well this is how things work around here! You're too scatterbrained to realize how us monsters SHOULD act!"

"Gee, thanks... I think," Frankie replied.

The Witch sisters confronted Hagatha. "And I've seen your work," the big Witch sister said, pointing a bony green finger at the short plump red-haired witch. "All you do is just use your magic and witchcraft for making meals where you live!"

"Yeah!" the small Witch sister agreed. "And you don't even dress like us witches are supposed to!"

"Oh, come, come," Hagatha said. "I always thought that dark dress and pointy hat look was really dated. And I can just do more than cook, dearies." She raised up her hands and chanted a spell, "Abracadabra cranny and nook, give these two witches my same look!" She clapped her hands together, and in a puff of smoke the Witch sisters now wore the same girly outfits as Hagatha, and they also now had orange hair with flowers in them.

"EEEEK!" both Witch sisters shrieked as they saw what they were now wearing.

The regular Frankenstein laughed at both of them, and Repulsa glared at him. "Stop it! That wanna-be witch turned OUR witches into sissies!"

Vanna Pira crept over to Zak Wolf and led him out of the chair and the groups of monsters arguing. She handed Zak his airline tickets for his Hawaii trip and said, "Here are your plane tickets, Zak Wolf, and here's some spending money for your time in Hawaii!" She handed Zak a decent-sized sack of coins with a dollar sign on it. "Oh, and I almost forgot, here is your own copy of the Necronomicon!" She handed Zak a copy of the demonic-looking book.

"Hey, thanks!" Zak Wolf grinned. He was liking how his exit from Transylvania was going so far. But then he felt a little grossed out by the skin texture of the book and handed it back to Vanna, saying "You can keep the book. I'm not really into that voodoo mumbo-jumbo."

"OK then," Vanna said as she took back the book and then placed a flower necklace around Zak's neck, "Once again, you raced a great race, and I want to thank you for participating!"

Wolfie of the Groovie Goolies also stepped out of the arguing crowd and told Zak, "By the way, brother wolf, the Transylvania airport shuttle will be stopping near here any minute, so you'd, like, better split! Awooo-wooo-WOOOOO!"

"Thanks, Wolfie," Zak said as he shook paws with the groovy werewolf. "Glad you could help me out of here." And he walked out of the entrance, waving goodbye and calling out "ALOHA!"

The Hunch Bunch noticed. Crunch just waved back, sputtering "Bblllaloha!"

But Brunch tugged on his master Dracula's cape. "Master," he said, "Zak Wolf is getting away!"

"So what?!" Dracula told him. "Forget him, we've got more important matters now!" He faced Drac, pointed his green bumpy finger at him and said, "You're such a disgrace to vampires everywhere, I can't believe we share the same name!"

"Actually," Drac corrected, "my full name is Tom Dracula. But since we're most likely not related, to avoid confusion everyone calls me 'Drac.'"

"But that's the nickname others call me too!" the green Dracula realized.

"Sheesh!" Zak Wolf said to himself as he went down the castle steps, still able to hear the monsters arguing. Then he managed to catch the airport shuttle bus, but among boarding, some passengers and the bus driver began to scream and freak out!

"No, no, wait!" Zak told them all. "I'm not really a werewolf! I'm just a 'toon wolf! Any of you ever meet a 'toon before?"

Everyone stopped panicking and looked at Zak a bit.

"I have," a gruff-looking heavy middle-aged man with a mustache and a somewhat rumpled suit said. "I've worked with them for a while."

"Hmm, this could actually be interesting," a woman decked out in tourist's clothes said as she sat with her husband and snapped a picture of Zak with her phone.

And then the bus driver closed the door, announced "Next stop, the Transylvanian Airport!" and started driving out of the area Dracula and his realm lived.

***

A week later, back at the Boars' home near the Generic Woods, Bass and Bongo and Boss were all watching a werewolf movie and eating pizza together. Then they heard the mail slot open. "I'll go see what we got in the mail today," Boss said as he got up and walked over to the front door. He picked up the mail and began going through it. "Bill, bill, junk, bill... Hey! We got a postcard from Zak Wolf!"

"What?" Bass and Bongo both asked in unison as they leaped off the couch to see. They stood behind Boss so they could also see the postcard.

"Dear Bass, Bongo and Boss," Boss read out loud. "Having a wonderful vacation in Hawaii. Glad you're not here! Signed, Zak!" Sure enough, the picture on the postcard showed Zak Wolf lounging in a beach chair, wearing a Hawaiian shirt and sunglasses and his flowered necklace. With him were two beautiful human ladies, with one of them holding a drink to serve Zak, and palm trees and the ocean could be seen in the background.

"Gee, Boss," Bass said. "Does this mean Zak Wolf has outdone us again?"

"Yeah, I guess he did," Boss groaned.

"Hey guys, look!" Bongo cried out as he pointed at the window.

Sure enough, Crunch and Brunch were in the window. "We're BACK!" they teasingly said in unison as the three boars huddled together in fear.


THE END?