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Post by stardustcrusader on Nov 20, 2018 15:02:03 GMT -5
Oh, no, I'm sorry if I was making it seem like I wanted to be done talking or something. I'm quite enjoying this conversation as well Yes. For sure! I'd be interested to know more of what your overarching focus would be. 1. Well for starters, in the scenario I'm writing, where could Y go with Dracula 2. Will respond tmr. It's late here. Oh, should I also share what i have so far with doc or can you check it yourself?
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Post by Doo on Nov 21, 2018 10:00:58 GMT -5
I just looked it at the doc, I love what you have so far! Great interaction and dialogue and it definitely stayed very true to the original.
Hopefully you don't mind, but I fixed a bunch of obvious typos in the doc. Minor little criticism as well, with this line: "The Wolfman didn’t seem too impressed with B’s explanation and instead, just kept a stern or silent expression." - I'm confused by the use of the word "or" here. He either was giving a stern expression, a silent expression, or a stern and silent expression. Saying "or" seems awkward and like B is unaware of what's going on. I'd suggest picking one or the other, or just saying "stern and silent."
Otherwise, great job!
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Post by stardustcrusader on Nov 21, 2018 13:10:36 GMT -5
I just looked it at the doc, I love what you have so far! Great interaction and dialogue and it definitely stayed very true to the original. Hopefully you don't mind, but I fixed a bunch of obvious typos in the doc. Minor little criticism as well, with this line: "The Wolfman didn’t seem too impressed with B’s explanation and instead, just kept a stern or silent expression." - I'm confused by the use of the word "or" here. He either was giving a stern expression, a silent expression, or a stern and silent expression. Saying "or" seems awkward and like B is unaware of what's going on. I'd suggest picking one or the other, or just saying "stern and silent." Otherwise, great job! Oh thanks. I could use some more help. Like for example, where could Y go with Dracula for maybe?
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Post by Doo on Nov 21, 2018 13:16:16 GMT -5
He could go see Sybella's coffin room. Or would that be too personal?
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Post by stardustcrusader on Nov 22, 2018 16:07:46 GMT -5
He could go see Sybella's coffin room. Or would that be too personal? I mean R is going to Tanis's mummy case. I guess though, what would a coffin room serve? Like why show it? Also, so like you said, I'm on writing G scene and he can go to the Phantasma's piano in the basement and screw that up somehow right? any suggestions how he does it?
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Post by Doo on Nov 22, 2018 16:29:59 GMT -5
I guess yeah there’s not a really a point in a coffin room, come to think of it. Could they go to the volleyball court or something? I can’t think of anything super specific related to Sybella. He could break one of the piano keys which opens a secret room. Good reference to Boo Brothers there
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Post by stardustcrusader on Nov 24, 2018 11:18:57 GMT -5
I guess yeah there’s not a really a point in a coffin room, come to think of it. Could they go to the volleyball court or something? I can’t think of anything super specific related to Sybella. He could break one of the piano keys which opens a secret room. Good reference to Boo Brothers there Hi sorry for the late response. Was super busy. I guess volleyball can be fine. Ok, G, sounds like a plan. any idea how that could make the phantom mad or maybe why he'd touch the piano in the first place?
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Post by Doo on Nov 24, 2018 15:44:08 GMT -5
G could try to show off his piano playing skills for the phantom. Like, the phantom could brag about how good Phantasma is at the piano, and G could say "You know, I'm pretty talented myself." It could then become apparent that he was just showing off and actually doesn't know how to play the piano, thus breaking the piano key. This would make the phantom mad because Phantasma is the only one to use the school's piano, and now she can't play until they fix the key G broke.
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Post by stardustcrusader on Nov 25, 2018 0:24:42 GMT -5
G could try to show off his piano playing skills for the phantom. Like, the phantom could brag about how good Phantasma is at the piano, and G could say "You know, I'm pretty talented myself." It could then become apparent that he was just showing off and actually doesn't know how to play the piano, thus breaking the piano key. This would make the phantom mad because Phantasma is the only one to use the school's piano, and now she can't play until they fix the key G broke. 1. Sounds plausible. But G as I said, is more sarcastic or something, so like maybe, he just says it offhandily. Like 'Oh yeah, R said do something to make them like us. I'll say this to impress him or whatever. Or like maybe, phantom plays, G presses his hand on the keys and it breaks cuz piano is really old and fragile but ghost can play it delicatley, which is why it won't break for them. or Could it be reworked to make it seem like somehow unsafety(like he can't take care of phantasma. maybe presses key, locks them in a room, and phantom annoyed G can't get out. G points out phantasma could just phase through or something and phantom ignores it/irrational or thinks he's being rude. I was wondering, is it repepitive with other scenarios(B with weights, O with the formula) 2. Ok, so just to plan it out, Y in volleyball, R in the mummy room. any ideas what could go wrong there?
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Post by Doo on Nov 25, 2018 9:43:18 GMT -5
I love the locks them in a room scenario, that would be almost identical to Boo Brothers and you could use it as a reference (if you can't tell by now, I love putting references to previous Scooby material in my fanfics lol).
I don't think it's repetitive, it just shows off the similarities in the interns' personalities.
Y leans up against the volleyball net and breaks it. He calls for Legs (the spider in the film) to fix the net, but he doesn't know the proper commands to tell Legs...OR...he's really afraid of large spiders so he starts freaking out, which annoys Dracula and makes him feel like Y couldn't save his daughter in any real danger.
All the mummy cases are stacked up together, R does tries to open one and accidentally knocks them all over in a domino effect.
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Post by stardustcrusader on Nov 27, 2018 20:58:36 GMT -5
I love the locks them in a room scenario, that would be almost identical to Boo Brothers and you could use it as a reference (if you can't tell by now, I love putting references to previous Scooby material in my fanfics lol). I don't think it's repetitive, it just shows off the similarities in the interns' personalities. Y leans up against the volleyball net and breaks it. He calls for Legs (the spider in the film) to fix the net, but he doesn't know the proper commands to tell Legs...OR...he's really afraid of large spiders so he starts freaking out, which annoys Dracula and makes him feel like Y couldn't save his daughter in any real danger. All the mummy cases are stacked up together, R does tries to open one and accidentally knocks them all over in a domino effect. Sorry for the late response. Exam season is starting. 1. I do get that. But again, I'm not sure if it's a good reason as Phantasma can just phase out of it. Or could that be maybe part of the joke? 2.That could work. Though Y is more laid back and also, don't want them to look too incompetent maybe. I was trying to think of something that goes with his more laid back attitude. 3.Hmmm, well,again, I don't want to make them look incompetent. As I said, R is the most responsible one for this stuff.
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Post by Doo on Nov 28, 2018 11:33:00 GMT -5
No worries about late responses or whatever. Good luck on your exams! 1. I think that could be a great addition to the joke. 2. If you want him to be more laid back, freaking out over the large spider wouldn't work. The volleyball net thing still could potential work, like he just casually leans up against the volleyball net and breaks it. IMO it wouldn't make him look stupid or incompetent as it's a mistake anyone could make. 3. Hmm...could most responsible mean like he just takes charge of everything, which annoys the Mummy? Or would that be too out of character?
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Post by stardustcrusader on Nov 29, 2018 0:58:47 GMT -5
No worries about late responses or whatever. Good luck on your exams! 1. I think that could be a great addition to the joke. 2. If you want him to be more laid back, freaking out over the large spider wouldn't work. The volleyball net thing still could potential work, like he just casually leans up against the volleyball net and breaks it. IMO it wouldn't make him look stupid or incompetent as it's a mistake anyone could make. 3. Hmm...could most responsible mean like he just takes charge of everything, which annoys the Mummy? Or would that be too out of character? Thanks. I'll have a more thought out response tomorrow. It's late now.
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Post by stardustcrusader on Dec 2, 2018 17:10:11 GMT -5
No worries about late responses or whatever. Good luck on your exams! 1. I think that could be a great addition to the joke. 2. If you want him to be more laid back, freaking out over the large spider wouldn't work. The volleyball net thing still could potential work, like he just casually leans up against the volleyball net and breaks it. IMO it wouldn't make him look stupid or incompetent as it's a mistake anyone could make. 3. Hmm...could most responsible mean like he just takes charge of everything, which annoys the Mummy? Or would that be too out of character? Thanks. I'll have a more thought out response tomorrow. It's late now.
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Post by stardustcrusader on Dec 2, 2018 17:17:37 GMT -5
No worries about late responses or whatever. Good luck on your exams! 1. I think that could be a great addition to the joke. 2. If you want him to be more laid back, freaking out over the large spider wouldn't work. The volleyball net thing still could potential work, like he just casually leans up against the volleyball net and breaks it. IMO it wouldn't make him look stupid or incompetent as it's a mistake anyone could make. 3. Hmm...could most responsible mean like he just takes charge of everything, which annoys the Mummy? Or would that be too out of character? 1. I guess but I worry it makes him look like clumsy or something. Maybe Y offers to play volleyball with him or something maybe? Could anything come out of that? 2. Take charge, how? Maybe he tries too hard to please him or something and accidentally offends him in a way?
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